(no subject)

I'm awfully close to the stage of needing a beta for this ~20k+ monster of a Monkey Island fanfic that I have somehow managed to produce. (I realize 20k is not a monster by many people's standards, but it's more than triple the length of the next longest thing I've ever posted, most of my oeuvre is <5k, and I haven't written anything at all in about 10 years, so I am feeling out of my depth here.) I don't suppose anyone in the studio audience would be interested? Knowledge of the canon a plus but not required, since my concerns are mostly not to do with canon facts (ha ha... facts... continuity... in Monkey Island? ha ha HA HA HA *wipes away a tear*) nor particularly the characterization (although a second opinion on that would be good if I can get one). Wot I needs to know:

• The big question: Is this even interesting/entertaining at all? I'm ok with the fact that it reads more like playing out a game scenario and solving puzzle chains than a "real" story, but allowing for that, does it drag? is it too talky?


• Is it at least a little funny? I think I may have stared at my own jokes too much by now to be able to tell. And is there enough humor and absurdity? (I feel like it falls short for a gen MI fic vs, idk, hurt/comfort or something; might be difficult for someone unfamiliar with canon to judge)


• I tried to avoid too much of things running on "plot time", where characters patiently stand idle while waiting for the player/protagonist to figure out the right action. This is fine in a game but I didn't think it would read well in narrative, so I tried to mitigate it. Did I succeed?


• Is the threat enough of a threat without seeming too heavy? Monkey Island's tone even for supposedly deadly peril is usually still quite silly (though there are exceptions). My initial concept and its first revision both were too much for different reasons. What I have left is still not really hitting the silly note, but at this point I'm more concerned with whether a new reader can still understand basically what the threat is, and whether it feels like one.


• Have I got a problem with too much of people appearing/seeming/looking/etc. other attempts for me to reveal part of their mental state without their being POV characters? Should I try to go omniscient or will that just be weird?


• Is one particular character's slightly odd way of speaking OK, or have I merely achieved something othering and possibly racist?


• Is the ending actually funny or just a cheap ripoff? (would probably require some familiarity with canon)