Also, why does Snape need a personal paparazzi? Does he want someone to be harassed by cameramen and stalked and asked nagging, stupid questions? Hey, Hermione can do that last bit at least... but who is he siccing her on?

I think she's siccing herself on him. Why she thinks he wants to be paparazzaed (paparazza would be a feminine singular I think? and there I go sticking English participle endings on, lol) is beyond me. News flash, Granger, that's not likely to work with that one as a courtship technique.