birthdays! (fic: Bottled (Severus/Harry, humour, PG))

[arcanetrivia]

drachenmina: I think I've figured out what is giving me such grief with yours, so I'm going to pull back, refocus and hopefully be able to write something else (and shorter!).

Hem, hem! That said:

Happy birthday, fbowden!

I figured I couldn't go wrong with a bit of Snarry for you, but this isn't an area I've ventured into very much (the extent of my experience to this point is... uh... the 61 words in this post), so this ficlet is still very much in the kiddie pool. Still, I hope it entertains!

Title: Bottled
Characters: Harry/Severus
Rating: PG
Words: ~300
Summary: Ask a silly question, get a silly answer, Harry.
Warnings: Unbetaed.
A/N: Inspired by a gibberish line in this post from the_bitter_word: "How to bottle foolish wand-waving the delicate power of potion-making."


"Say, Severus, how do you bottle foolish wand-waving?"

"Are you asking me this question in an academic capacity, Potter, or are you merely making idle morning conversation?"

"If I say it's the first?"

"Then you shall have to address me as 'Professor' if you expect an answer."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? And what if it's the second?"

"I shall force-feed you coffee until you begin making sense."

"Ha! All right then, Professor. How do you bottle foolish wand-waving?"

"You don't, Potter. That's a ridiculous question."

"Hey! That's a ridiculous answer!"

"It's a true answer."

"That doesn't make it any better!"

"Truth is often slightly ridiculous. Take, for example, the fact that I continue to put up with you."

"Last time you remarked on that you said it was 'absurd'. Is 'ridiculous' better or worse than 'absurd'?"

"As usual you are asking the wrong question. You should be concerning yourself with the day that I might say 'intolerably ludicrous'."

"You're horrible, Severus. Would you really ever say that?"

"I might be getting somewhere near it as we speak."

"Augh! I wish I knew how to bottle this so I could keep a stopper in it and only let it out when I'm in a mood to deal with it."

"Now that I can show you, if you are interested."

"What, bottled sarcasm? I suppose you would know!"

"I did have ample supplies of the, ah, raw materials necessary for the experiment."

"Don't you have enough already without keeping a distilled bottle of the stuff around? Most people just put sugar in their coffee, Severus."

"My, my. Have you been dipping into it?"

"No, but there's something else I'd like to dip into."

"Is that why you are on my lap?"

"Is that why your -- ohh -- mouth is on my throat?"

"Mmmm...."