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How do you make somewhat racier fics (PG-13, I am not talking smut, as I haven't tried, but I suppose the question still applies) sound "real", "solid", "in-universe" rather than like you have simply written down your own fantasies and swapped names around? I mean, the drabble I wrote definitely has character details that make it so it could only be about one person (well -- actually -- I take that back. It's a narrow field, but must fix, now that I say so), but it seems to be random, disembodied, not anchored to anything. It's a lovely picture (if I do say so myself) but it just doesn't seem grounded in the universe. Am I making any sense? Is this one of those mystery questions that can only be answered by "keep trying; when you hit it, you'll know"? Or is there something specific I can try to keep in mind?
the specific bit of fic that is consternating me at the moment:
(consternating is a word, right?)
She so wants to run her fingers over that skin he always hides, find the dark shadow of his choice there and then say only with a glance that it doesn't matter; that she understands, or if she can't possibly, that she accepts; that she loves him and wholly desires him. It makes him neither uglier nor more beautiful. Neither is possible; he's perfect as he is, strange and troubled. Words would be false and foolish for such a truth, so lips and tongue must wait their chance for use 'til he allows their trembling touch – if someday he will.
Do you see what I mean? It's nice and all but I don't come away with a solid, satisfying feeling that I have read a piece of Harry Potter fanfic, you know? It's not the shortness -- I've done drabbles before and I get the same solid feeling from the ultra-short snippet I wrote with Albus Severus and Harry the other day (45 words and yet it still sets a decent scene). Halp?
the specific bit of fic that is consternating me at the moment:
(consternating is a word, right?)
She so wants to run her fingers over that skin he always hides, find the dark shadow of his choice there and then say only with a glance that it doesn't matter; that she understands, or if she can't possibly, that she accepts; that she loves him and wholly desires him. It makes him neither uglier nor more beautiful. Neither is possible; he's perfect as he is, strange and troubled. Words would be false and foolish for such a truth, so lips and tongue must wait their chance for use 'til he allows their trembling touch – if someday he will.
Do you see what I mean? It's nice and all but I don't come away with a solid, satisfying feeling that I have read a piece of Harry Potter fanfic, you know? It's not the shortness -- I've done drabbles before and I get the same solid feeling from the ultra-short snippet I wrote with Albus Severus and Harry the other day (45 words and yet it still sets a decent scene). Halp?