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feyandstrange from this prompt, Five things Severus is No Longer Allowed To Do at Hogwarts, in the words of five other professors of Defence Against the Dark Arts. (A.K.A. "Snarky's List".)
*******
1. Quirinus "Quirrelmort" Quirrell's Law:
N-n-no longer a-low-low-ed to thuh-thuh-thwart me. A-and n-not uh-allowed t-to have muh-my t-teaching p-p-post.
2. Gilderoy Lockhart's Glorious Law:
No longer allowed to adulterate my pomade with any kind of creepy slime from one of those jars he keeps in his office. No, not even that dodgy stuff I brought back from my last holiday in Greece, er, ah, that is to say, my last... valiant sojourn! Yes! To the rocky wilds of ancient Mediterranean lands! To seek out the last and the foulest of Typhon and Echidna's horrific offspring and bring them to their final end! Also, not allowed to dodge my Memory Charms. Really, how rude is that? Can you imagine? I certainly wouldn't allow him to have my teaching post.
3. Remus Lupin's Law, Or, Well, More of a Common-Sense Rule Really, Let's Be Reasonable About This:
No longer allowed to hint at, bring up, discuss, harp on, or belabour points about events that may or may not have transpired during our fifth year and which may or may not have involved any so-called Shrieking Shacks, Whomping Willows, or James Potters. Honestly, it was nearly twenty years ago. Well, he's still not allowed to have my teaching post, Wolfsbane or no Wolfsbane.
4.Bartemius Crouch Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, Really!'s Law:
No longer allowed to thwart me, the sneaking deserter! Devoted to the Dark Lord, indeed! I'd roast and eat my own house-elf before I'd let him have my teaching post!
5. Headmistress Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge's Educational Decree Number Thirty:
No longer allowed to provide the rightfully appointed agent of the Ministry with false Veritaserum, nor to make fraudulent claims about his inability to deal with rogue fireworks loosed by horrible redheaded students. And no longer allowed to mock my interior decoration choices! I don't bother him about his, now do I? No, I am a sensible and polite woman who was properly raised. Clearly his upbringing was lacking, or his blood-line, or perhaps both. Absolutely not worthy of my teaching post, nor his neither, if you ask me, and I daresay mine is the opinion which counts.
bonus!
6. Severus Snape's Law:
No longer allowed to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, it seems. Well, you know what? Fuck it, and fuck Dumbledore, and fuck all the rest of you and the hippogriffs that you flew in on – or should I say, that you keep illegally. But don't worry. I shall be back, and you are not going to like it.
feyandstrange from this prompt, Five things Severus is No Longer Allowed To Do at Hogwarts, in the words of five other professors of Defence Against the Dark Arts. (A.K.A. "Snarky's List".) *******
1. Quirinus "Quirrelmort" Quirrell's Law:
N-n-no longer a-low-low-ed to thuh-thuh-thwart me. A-and n-not uh-allowed t-to have muh-my t-teaching p-p-post.
2. Gilderoy Lockhart's Glorious Law:
No longer allowed to adulterate my pomade with any kind of creepy slime from one of those jars he keeps in his office. No, not even that dodgy stuff I brought back from my last holiday in Greece, er, ah, that is to say, my last... valiant sojourn! Yes! To the rocky wilds of ancient Mediterranean lands! To seek out the last and the foulest of Typhon and Echidna's horrific offspring and bring them to their final end! Also, not allowed to dodge my Memory Charms. Really, how rude is that? Can you imagine? I certainly wouldn't allow him to have my teaching post.
3. Remus Lupin's Law, Or, Well, More of a Common-Sense Rule Really, Let's Be Reasonable About This:
No longer allowed to hint at, bring up, discuss, harp on, or belabour points about events that may or may not have transpired during our fifth year and which may or may not have involved any so-called Shrieking Shacks, Whomping Willows, or James Potters. Honestly, it was nearly twenty years ago. Well, he's still not allowed to have my teaching post, Wolfsbane or no Wolfsbane.
4.
No longer allowed to thwart me, the sneaking deserter! Devoted to the Dark Lord, indeed! I'd roast and eat my own house-elf before I'd let him have my teaching post!
5. Headmistress Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge's Educational Decree Number Thirty:
No longer allowed to provide the rightfully appointed agent of the Ministry with false Veritaserum, nor to make fraudulent claims about his inability to deal with rogue fireworks loosed by horrible redheaded students. And no longer allowed to mock my interior decoration choices! I don't bother him about his, now do I? No, I am a sensible and polite woman who was properly raised. Clearly his upbringing was lacking, or his blood-line, or perhaps both. Absolutely not worthy of my teaching post, nor his neither, if you ask me, and I daresay mine is the opinion which counts.
bonus!
6. Severus Snape's Law:
No longer allowed to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, it seems. Well, you know what? Fuck it, and fuck Dumbledore, and fuck all the rest of you and the hippogriffs that you flew in on – or should I say, that you keep illegally. But don't worry. I shall be back, and you are not going to like it.
