dear little fic, please oh please don't be made of fail.

[arcanetrivia]

The Snack ficlet I asked for betas for the other day totally failed to be a lightweight, smutty little morsel. It came out at ~6800 words, which is by a long shot the longest fic I have ever completed. It's almost triple the next contender* and over 3.5 times the next one that I have actually posted anywhere.

It was also written incredibly fast, for me, since I only started it on the 11th, I think. I am regularly in awe of how people can get down more than a thousand words at all, never mind over a short space of time. 10k+ really makes my jaw drop. If I get any ideas in the first place, I run out of them long before I fill up that kind of column inches.

Anyway, it's with said betas now, but I am still chewing my nails. Not over what they might say, but over the idea that I might have been entirely wasting my time.

It's supposed to be a surprise gift. What if, not knowing her well, I made assumptions about what she would like that are going to bite me in the arse? What if she's just not into this pairing or even this fandom right now? What if it's not kinky enough for her taste (it's incredibly vanilla; the kinkiest thing is one finger up someone's arse)? What if there was something I really should have included if it was to be a personal gift, and didn't, because I don't know her well enough to know that, and didn't bother digging as deeply as I could (short of actually asking) to find out?

What if I'm trying too hard to be clever? I did in fact go back to that "eat wool until he shat sweaters jumpers" line, because I couldn't think of anything else that didn't sound flat, and it made me snicker. But there are several other incredibly cracky lines in it too, which I worry are out of place in an overall non-crack/humour fic.

What if it's just plain not hot? I have one other smutfic that I have been dithering about and failing to complete since, oh, November, so this is the first explicit smut I'll be releasing into the wild and I really feel like I have no idea what I am doing. (That time I remixed ships_harry's "Not Touching You" was well sub-explicit, mostly Sirius's train of thought, not descriptions of cocks and tongues and sound effects.)

Nnyerghmrrgh.

About the worst thing in the world would be if she said "Sorry, but I just don't like it." I think she'd have the white-lie courtesy to just say "Thank you" instead, but still. I have tried to soften the blow (to her enjoyment, or to my ego? you be the judge!) with humorous "warnings", but I worry that those will come across as "trying too hard to be clever", too.

Yeah. Something about cats and rooms full of rocking chairs comes to mind.



* - Which has not seen the light of day because I fear it is dull and has a stupid premise and is in fact an astronomy lesson rather than a fic, even though I've toned that part of it down several times from the original draft. (This is the one for which I asked a while back whether people recognized the word "planisphere" without looking it up.) I don't want to waste a beta's time just to find out "this is dull and has a stupid premise and is an astronomy lesson rather than a fic". It was originally intended for the snapedom Valentine's party on the prompt "stars", but serious prompt abuse occurred.

Comments

[venturous1.livejournal.com]

take a chance and 'release them into the wild" (what a wonderful turn of phrase!)

Worst case: they arent as spectacular as you wish they were. Ha, easier said than done I know, as I go thru fits of "it aint good enough" almost every time, unless I am too busy.

Still, I am willing to bet that your readers may see loveliness within that you may fail to notice. forest for the trees a nd all that.

PS I am adding this word to my dictionary:
Nnyerghmrrgh.

[elethian.livejournal.com]

take a chance and 'release them into the wild" (what a wonderful turn of phrase!)

There's only one other smutfic and it's not even anywhere near finished (I dunno if I used the word "moribund" in this post but really it rather is -- I can't seem to either whip it hard enough or offer enough treats to make it go any further). The other one that I referred to as being a dull astronomy lesson is only PG, maybe a very light PG-13 depending on how you consider one instance of explicit reference to a clothed but erect penis.

Re, the current subject under consideration: It will be good if readers, plural, enjoy it, but since it's supposed to be a gift it has a specific target, which is what's making me nervous. When I saw her birthday coming up on my notices I thought oh! Well of course I should write a fic! That's the "done" thing after all! and plunged ahead without thinking very much about just what that would really mean (rather un-Ravenclaw of me *cackles*).

PS I am adding this word to my dictionary:
Nnyerghmrrgh.

Onomatopoeia is good thing. :)

[jillypooh.livejournal.com]

Sometimes plunging in without a life raft brings fabulous stuff. I can't imagine that it's bad or even not good. And as long as the person doesn't have any big known squicks that she absolutely won't read then you should be safe.

And as for the lines like the one about the jumpers I say the more the better. Have you read AbstractConcept's (the_con_cept) stuff? Her Severus tends to say really wacky stuff even in the non-funny stories.

I can't wait to read your story! *bounces*

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've read "The Pandora Incident" at least, since I cared to save that one, and I may have read others too.

Of course what comes out of Severus's mouth is kind of a "free play" area even in serious fics, because wit and sarcasm and dry turns of phrase are in his character, but it's actually not dialogue lines I'm talking about here, more stuff that is almost self-conscious on the part of the story that it is a story; fourth-wall-breaking IOW. That's fine in general -- I tend to love it, myself -- but it's not for every place, and I wasn't sure if it worked in this particular context.

[boozooka.livejournal.com]

stop dithering, it'll be fine!

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Well, now, you gotta know that saying something like that is just going to make me dither out of spite. ;)

[boozooka.livejournal.com]

oh noes! spite!

[elethian.livejournal.com]

I've been spending too much time hanging around Severus, clearly.

(Wait, what am I saying?)

[boozooka.livejournal.com]

you are saying, in a very un-author -like manner, that you spend too much time with your imaginary *sneer* friends...

(in sexy snape voice)
(if i could remember how to ittalic, friends and manner would be)

:D

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Oh, certainly not, Severus. After all, I said I was hanging around you, and you're hardly imaginary.


(<i> and </i>)

[who_la_hoop]

I think she'lll be incredibly pleased that someone's written a 7k fic for her. Absolutely no need to worry :) I'm sure it's great!

[elethian.livejournal.com]

It's a tad shorter now, not quite scraping 6700. Would you happen to have time for a quick Britpick? It doesn't have to be letter-perfect, but I want to be sure I handled all of Sirius's swearing passably rather than horribly, I'm not sure how to refer to the various articles of clothing Severus is wearing, and I dunno if "knapsack" is an appropriate word to use.

[who_la_hoop]

Sure, I'll take a look at it tomorrow if it's not too late - email it over! I think 'rucksack' rather than 'knapsack' :)

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow is too late. It needs to be posted tomorrow. I'll just slap a "not Britpicked" warning on it and deal (I'm pretty sure she's an American...). I did self-Britpick the swearing with some websites and stuff *crosses fingers*

I'll use "rucksack" though.

oh, and thanks :)