(no subject)

(The entire summary)
What's Snape been hiding all these years?

...a vintage Tinker-Toy set?


When the weasley twins invent a messenger that uses the idea of Tom Riddles diary, that can work in hogwarts without electricity, everybody buys one. Including Snape. Friendship and romance blooms. SSOFC. Might get a bit frisky in later chapters .

I.. uh. I don't know whether to think this is a potentially entertaining (if rather silly) idea, or whether it's going to go right down the toilet like a certain other diary. I'm confounded by the mention of electricity; since when was any diary electric? (LiveJournal notwithstanding!) And I can only imagine Severus's diary entries:

16th October. Made Longbottom look like he was going to wet his drawers again. Satisfying as ever.

9th January. No one privy to the significance of today's date was foolish enough to force their felicitations upon me. Pity; I could have used the stress relief of a good hex after the massive headache that was Potter's latest Occlumency session.

15th March. Hermes' Trismegistal tits, what I would give just to be able to deal a swift kick in the gernumblies to that infuriating excuse for a Black that Potter calls a godfather.

3rd April. I don't suppose the Headmaster shall ever learn how much I detest chocolate eggs.

I mean, what?


what happens when a curse is lifted and forgotten magic is back for revenge. the youngest of the Aspinal's is causing trouble around Hogwarts so male teachers and death eaters beware this inhuman siren is on the prowl.

("Aspinal"...?) Let's take quick stock of who's a Death Eater at Hogwarts, okay? 1. Severus Snape. 2. Oh wait, that's it. So Snape's neither male, nor a teacher? Missy, you gots some 'splainin' to do.

LEMONS, lots of lemons. slash too!

When fic gives you lemons, it means they got laid.

(no subject)

(The entire summary)
What's Snape been hiding all these years?

...a vintage Tinker-Toy set?


When the weasley twins invent a messenger that uses the idea of Tom Riddles diary, that can work in hogwarts without electricity, everybody buys one. Including Snape. Friendship and romance blooms. SSOFC. Might get a bit frisky in later chapters .

I.. uh. I don't know whether to think this is a potentially entertaining (if rather silly) idea, or whether it's going to go right down the toilet like a certain other diary. I'm confounded by the mention of electricity; since when was any diary electric? (LiveJournal notwithstanding!) And I can only imagine Severus's diary entries:

16th October. Made Longbottom look like he was going to wet his drawers again. Satisfying as ever.

9th January. No one privy to the significance of today's date was foolish enough to force their felicitations upon me. Pity; I could have used the stress relief of a good hex after the massive headache that was Potter's latest Occlumency session.

15th March. Hermes' Trismegistal tits, what I would give just to be able to deal a swift kick in the gernumblies to that infuriating excuse for a Black that Potter calls a godfather.

3rd April. I don't suppose the Headmaster shall ever learn how much I detest chocolate eggs.

I mean, what?


what happens when a curse is lifted and forgotten magic is back for revenge. the youngest of the Aspinal's is causing trouble around Hogwarts so male teachers and death eaters beware this inhuman siren is on the prowl.

("Aspinal"...?) Let's take quick stock of who's a Death Eater at Hogwarts, okay? 1. Severus Snape. 2. Oh wait, that's it. So Snape's neither male, nor a teacher? Missy, you gots some 'splainin' to do.

LEMONS, lots of lemons. slash too!

When fic gives you lemons, it means they got laid.

(no subject)

And now for one I thought would be funny, but turned out not to be.

the title is totally random, hate writing summaries, r & r XXXActual Summary: What NOT to do in a SevLily fanficXXX

The summary is serious and is meant to be one of the examples of what not to do. I clicked on it out of horror, but this became clear in the first chapter. I do agree with a number of their points, e.g., to refer to Severus as such if it's his POV or Lily's; don't go randomly changing character appearances from how they're described in canon; anyone saying "Sevvy" or "Lils" gets shot on sight; don't write grammar that makes people wish for the soothing balm of a nice Cruciatus. All well and good. (And surely no advice that anyone reading this actually needs.)

On the other hand, they're too full of "this would never happen!!!" admonishments for stuff, as though most people didn't know perfectly well that what they were writing was a mere "what if" scenario (e.g. Lily would never be with any other of the Marauders, but what if she were? Lily apparently didn't have any romantic feelings for Severus, but what if she did?) and are writing these things out of delusion that they could really be for-reals, 100% canon. I mean, chill. Major damage is not being done by all those "wouldn't it be neat if we had them do... THIS!" fics. People are just having fun. It is not worth raising your blood pressure over. Bad writing might be worth a minute's annoyance. Ideas you just don't like? I advise you to roll your eyes and click "close".

For example:

SNAPE/LILY: They-can-not-kiss!!! Period!!! What is between them is friendship, close friendship! This kind of thing is what really ticks me off. Although Lily might have feelings for Snape, they’re NOT romantic.

Right, because close friends of appropriate sexes (whatever the sexual orientation in question is) never experiment physically because they feel comfortable with that person and wonder what it is like, nor do anything physical simply out of pity, nor get involved in anything because their hormones, need for approval, and/or rivalries with others are confusing the issues between friendship, romantic feeling, and sexual attraction. They especially don't do these things when they are teenagers who are cooped up in the same living space 9-10 months out of the year and the rest of the time live near enough to each other to have covered the distance as children.

He was too interested in the Dark Arts for her to like him that way. JKR said so herself in her interview!!! They-can-not-do-that.

I assume this refers to the interview where she said it was possible Lily might have come to love Severus if he had given up the Dark Arts for her, or something to that effect.

If it's so important and certain that they "can't", she should have written that. In the book it doesn't happen, which is not the same as can't. There's so much about the day to day life of every character -- even the Trio -- that we simply aren't told. In any case, Severus and Lily kissing is a LOT less implausible than some of the amazingly amazing crap I've seen. Even if she didn't "like him that way" that doesn't necessarily preclude any shenanigans. I know I've certainly kissed people I didn't have any particular feelings for (and sometimes regretted it later).

And even if you haven’t seen the interview, you can tell by how embarrassed Snape was around Lily. If there were really something going on between them, he wouldn’t be so embarrassed.

Of course, because unpopular, unattractive, "oddball" boys who are feuding with other boys who like the same girls are never embarrassed around the girls they like. They would never wonder whether she was just having them on or be afraid they might do something to scare her off. And certainly nobody ever felt awkward or embarrassed the first time they were in a relationship, or thought they might be, or thought they might want to be. Nah. Never happen.

(no subject)

And now for one I thought would be funny, but turned out not to be.

the title is totally random, hate writing summaries, r & r XXXActual Summary: What NOT to do in a SevLily fanficXXX

The summary is serious and is meant to be one of the examples of what not to do. I clicked on it out of horror, but this became clear in the first chapter. I do agree with a number of their points, e.g., to refer to Severus as such if it's his POV or Lily's; don't go randomly changing character appearances from how they're described in canon; anyone saying "Sevvy" or "Lils" gets shot on sight; don't write grammar that makes people wish for the soothing balm of a nice Cruciatus. All well and good. (And surely no advice that anyone reading this actually needs.)

On the other hand, they're too full of "this would never happen!!!" admonishments for stuff, as though most people didn't know perfectly well that what they were writing was a mere "what if" scenario (e.g. Lily would never be with any other of the Marauders, but what if she were? Lily apparently didn't have any romantic feelings for Severus, but what if she did?) and are writing these things out of delusion that they could really be for-reals, 100% canon. I mean, chill. Major damage is not being done by all those "wouldn't it be neat if we had them do... THIS!" fics. People are just having fun. It is not worth raising your blood pressure over. Bad writing might be worth a minute's annoyance. Ideas you just don't like? I advise you to roll your eyes and click "close".

For example:

SNAPE/LILY: They-can-not-kiss!!! Period!!! What is between them is friendship, close friendship! This kind of thing is what really ticks me off. Although Lily might have feelings for Snape, they’re NOT romantic.

Right, because close friends of appropriate sexes (whatever the sexual orientation in question is) never experiment physically because they feel comfortable with that person and wonder what it is like, nor do anything physical simply out of pity, nor get involved in anything because their hormones, need for approval, and/or rivalries with others are confusing the issues between friendship, romantic feeling, and sexual attraction. They especially don't do these things when they are teenagers who are cooped up in the same living space 9-10 months out of the year and the rest of the time live near enough to each other to have covered the distance as children.

He was too interested in the Dark Arts for her to like him that way. JKR said so herself in her interview!!! They-can-not-do-that.

I assume this refers to the interview where she said it was possible Lily might have come to love Severus if he had given up the Dark Arts for her, or something to that effect.

If it's so important and certain that they "can't", she should have written that. In the book it doesn't happen, which is not the same as can't. There's so much about the day to day life of every character -- even the Trio -- that we simply aren't told. In any case, Severus and Lily kissing is a LOT less implausible than some of the amazingly amazing crap I've seen. Even if she didn't "like him that way" that doesn't necessarily preclude any shenanigans. I know I've certainly kissed people I didn't have any particular feelings for (and sometimes regretted it later).

And even if you haven’t seen the interview, you can tell by how embarrassed Snape was around Lily. If there were really something going on between them, he wouldn’t be so embarrassed.

Of course, because unpopular, unattractive, "oddball" boys who are feuding with other boys who like the same girls are never embarrassed around the girls they like. They would never wonder whether she was just having them on or be afraid they might do something to scare her off. And certainly nobody ever felt awkward or embarrassed the first time they were in a relationship, or thought they might be, or thought they might want to be. Nah. Never happen.