(yeah, weekend, since I have three-day weekends through Sept. 11. by force, but I have the vacation to cover it so I don't have to work 10-hour days the rest of the week. yay.)
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.
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“Magic Severus, it does wonderful things.”
*blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking?
(...and do you think they take PayPal?)
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For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter.
Sounds like Mrs. Across-the-Street is in for quite a surprise.
Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.
Then again, maybe it's Severus who's in for one.
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Sequel to TTPP:LLihS. READ THAT FIRST!
Hey, maybe you read and write Parseltongue, but I don't.
Torie's returned and is falling deeper than she ever imagine. Her actions are unknown and people are worried.
I know I am.
Who is Torie Potter now? And why is everything different now?
Oh, look, someone seems to have switched our "author" and "reader" placecards. No wonder you're confused.
RegulusOC JPLE with signs of SBOC and RLOC
...followed by some SSRB in the afternoon and a slight chance of HPDM as we head towards the weekend.
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NON-magic. AU. Things are a little diffrent here, but Tom and co. are still making a mess of Severus' Life.

*cough*
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This has an explaination inside it.
Good, because I have a feeling I'm about to demand one.
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This is a story about a very unfortunate boy. A boy who struggles. Constantly. As you walk through the life os Severus Snape you see the bong, the fails, the pain, and the love. However, you see the will to survive.
Wait, wait -- as I walk through his life I see the what now? *reads fic*
It was like black liquor, silky as a ribbon and forbidden to the young. One could simply stare and drink [with your eyes] the silk and [with you lips] the swill that sat in front of you. But this drink was not water, it was not medicine, it was not anything that could be drank. But poison it was not. It was simply an imaginary drink, it was not existent.
How long are his fingers and how pale do they seem? White as snow in an ice cave, the light he sees little of, but why is it so intriguing? They stretch long, skinny-like, but gentle in their maladroit ways. And what if that black liquor touched his pale hand? Should he become stained with that darkness?
...
Uh... yeah. Yeah, I see the bong, all right.
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snape has a daughter he never knew he had. i had tp edit cause i didnt do my math correctly.
Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.
("Tp edit"? You wrote this on toilet paper?)
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Harry Potter Is 9 Years Old When A Man Called Snape Appeared In His Back Yard And Disappeared To Some Castle
Really He Was Only There For A Few Seconds And He Didn't Do Anything So I Don't Really Know Why I Mention It Except That It Was Kind Of Weird In The First Place
Don't Ask How Harry Knows Snape Disappeared To Some Castle When He Couldn't Possibly See Where He Went He Just Knows Okay He's Harry Effing Potter
please note also the entire contents of this story at the time I looked at it:
Attention All Readers , Just To Let You Know I Am Slow At Updating But Should Be Faster This Summer
~~~John
"Slow"? At this rate you're practically going backwards!
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.
-----
“Magic Severus, it does wonderful things.”
*blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking?
(...and do you think they take PayPal?)
-----
For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter.
Sounds like Mrs. Across-the-Street is in for quite a surprise.
Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.
Then again, maybe it's Severus who's in for one.
-----
Sequel to TTPP:LLihS. READ THAT FIRST!
Hey, maybe you read and write Parseltongue, but I don't.
Torie's returned and is falling deeper than she ever imagine. Her actions are unknown and people are worried.
I know I am.
Who is Torie Potter now? And why is everything different now?
Oh, look, someone seems to have switched our "author" and "reader" placecards. No wonder you're confused.
RegulusOC JPLE with signs of SBOC and RLOC
...followed by some SSRB in the afternoon and a slight chance of HPDM as we head towards the weekend.
-----
NON-magic. AU. Things are a little diffrent here, but Tom and co. are still making a mess of Severus' Life.
*cough*
-----
This has an explaination inside it.
Good, because I have a feeling I'm about to demand one.
-----
This is a story about a very unfortunate boy. A boy who struggles. Constantly. As you walk through the life os Severus Snape you see the bong, the fails, the pain, and the love. However, you see the will to survive.
Wait, wait -- as I walk through his life I see the what now? *reads fic*
It was like black liquor, silky as a ribbon and forbidden to the young. One could simply stare and drink [with your eyes] the silk and [with you lips] the swill that sat in front of you. But this drink was not water, it was not medicine, it was not anything that could be drank. But poison it was not. It was simply an imaginary drink, it was not existent.
How long are his fingers and how pale do they seem? White as snow in an ice cave, the light he sees little of, but why is it so intriguing? They stretch long, skinny-like, but gentle in their maladroit ways. And what if that black liquor touched his pale hand? Should he become stained with that darkness?
...
Uh... yeah. Yeah, I see the bong, all right.
-----
snape has a daughter he never knew he had. i had tp edit cause i didnt do my math correctly.
Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.
("Tp edit"? You wrote this on toilet paper?)
-----
Harry Potter Is 9 Years Old When A Man Called Snape Appeared In His Back Yard And Disappeared To Some Castle
Really He Was Only There For A Few Seconds And He Didn't Do Anything So I Don't Really Know Why I Mention It Except That It Was Kind Of Weird In The First Place
Don't Ask How Harry Knows Snape Disappeared To Some Castle When He Couldn't Possibly See Where He Went He Just Knows Okay He's Harry Effing Potter
please note also the entire contents of this story at the time I looked at it:
Attention All Readers , Just To Let You Know I Am Slow At Updating But Should Be Faster This Summer
~~~John
"Slow"? At this rate you're practically going backwards!
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 05:25 pm (UTC)From:I have no fucking clue what word was meant besides "bong" either. I spent a long time trying to puzzle it out from what kind of construction the sentence was (e.g. were they going for a "birth, life, death" kind of thing), or trying vaguely similar words that a well-meaning spell-checker might have substituted "bong" for. Couldn't come up with anything; husband said I was giving them too much credit for actually trying to write something in sensible English.
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)From:~~~John
"Slow"? At this rate you're practically going backwards!
Maybe It Takes A Lot Longer To Put Capital Letters At The Start Of Every Word When Typing...? :P
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)From:LOL! Yeah, could be...;)
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 05:23 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 04:03 pm (UTC)From:Hee! So true. Maths and JK Rowling do not mix.
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This has an explaination inside it.
Good, because I have a feeling I'm about to demand one.
*laughs*
And oh gods, your bong comment...XD
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 05:22 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)From:When you weren't looking???
As you walk through the life os Severus Snape you see the bong, the fails, the pain, and the love.
Anybody want to do a Snapefic crossover with Cheech and Chong?
...what a long, strange trip...
Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.
Heh. Nice thing for fanfic writers is that the timeline, to an extent, can be any damned thing you want it to be!
"Tp edit"?
I'd rather not edit my TP, thanks anyway. :-P First draft is final draft.
no subject
Date: July 10th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)From:When you weren't looking???
...point. XD
Anybody want to do a Snapefic crossover with Cheech and Chong?
Severus could play bass in the band and we'd learn what you can brew with Maui wowie?
eta: Actually, this makes me think of Under the Influence by Fabula Rasa.
I'd rather not edit my TP, thanks anyway. :-P First draft is final draft.
LOL!!
no subject
Date: August 14th, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)From:For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter. Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.
I knew exactly what this story would be about before I read it and I was, of course, right. On balance I think the most disturbing things about it are (a) that the section breaks go 8D8D8D8D (because Dursely!torture fics are SO GREAT, KIDS! 8D) and (b) this line:
Assessing the burn on his hand, Harry knew it had to be a 3rd degree burn, due to the amount of blistering.
FAIL. AT LIFE.