arcanetrivia: a light purple swirl on a darker purple background (humour (peeves henry 8th))
(yeah, weekend, since I have three-day weekends through Sept. 11. by force, but I have the vacation to cover it so I don't have to work 10-hour days the rest of the week. yay.)

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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“Magic Severus, it does wonderful things.”

*blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking?

(...and do you think they take PayPal?)

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For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter.

Sounds like Mrs. Across-the-Street is in for quite a surprise.

Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.

Then again, maybe it's Severus who's in for one.

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Sequel to TTPP:LLihS. READ THAT FIRST!

Hey, maybe you read and write Parseltongue, but I don't.

Torie's returned and is falling deeper than she ever imagine. Her actions are unknown and people are worried.

I know I am.

Who is Torie Potter now? And why is everything different now?

Oh, look, someone seems to have switched our "author" and "reader" placecards. No wonder you're confused.

RegulusOC JPLE with signs of SBOC and RLOC

...followed by some SSRB in the afternoon and a slight chance of HPDM as we head towards the weekend.

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NON-magic. AU. Things are a little diffrent here, but Tom and co. are still making a mess of Severus' Life.



*cough*

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This has an explaination inside it.

Good, because I have a feeling I'm about to demand one.

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This is a story about a very unfortunate boy. A boy who struggles. Constantly. As you walk through the life os Severus Snape you see the bong, the fails, the pain, and the love. However, you see the will to survive.

Wait, wait -- as I walk through his life I see the what now? *reads fic*

It was like black liquor, silky as a ribbon and forbidden to the young. One could simply stare and drink [with your eyes] the silk and [with you lips] the swill that sat in front of you. But this drink was not water, it was not medicine, it was not anything that could be drank. But poison it was not. It was simply an imaginary drink, it was not existent.
How long are his fingers and how pale do they seem? White as snow in an ice cave, the light he sees little of, but why is it so intriguing? They stretch long, skinny-like, but gentle in their maladroit ways. And what if that black liquor touched his pale hand? Should he become stained with that darkness?


...

Uh... yeah. Yeah, I see the bong, all right.

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snape has a daughter he never knew he had. i had tp edit cause i didnt do my math correctly.

Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.

("Tp edit"? You wrote this on toilet paper?)

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Harry Potter Is 9 Years Old When A Man Called Snape Appeared In His Back Yard And Disappeared To Some Castle

Really He Was Only There For A Few Seconds And He Didn't Do Anything So I Don't Really Know Why I Mention It Except That It Was Kind Of Weird In The First Place

Don't Ask How Harry Knows Snape Disappeared To Some Castle When He Couldn't Possibly See Where He Went He Just Knows Okay He's Harry Effing Potter


please note also the entire contents of this story at the time I looked at it:

Attention All Readers , Just To Let You Know I Am Slow At Updating But Should Be Faster This Summer

~~~John


"Slow"? At this rate you're practically going backwards!

Date: July 10th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mimimanderly.livejournal.com
OMG! This has so much in it that had me laughing my ass off! (At least THIS time I knew better than to read these summaries while drinking coffee.) Magic Severus! I'd empty out my bank account if he were realistic enough! Old age be damned! And the picture of Snape amidst the bots from MST3K! I just want to rip that tacky blue nylon windbreaker right off his body! But the one that had me laughing the hardest was the bong! Dear god, I almost peed myself! I don't know what word she MEANT to put there, but after reading the noncomprehensible text from the story, I could see why she made such a Freudian slip. Bong, indeed!

Date: July 10th, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] brewingtrouble.livejournal.com
Attention All Readers , Just To Let You Know I Am Slow At Updating But Should Be Faster This Summer

~~~John

"Slow"? At this rate you're practically going backwards!


Maybe It Takes A Lot Longer To Put Capital Letters At The Start Of Every Word When Typing...? :P

Date: July 10th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] sunlit-music.livejournal.com
Maybe It Takes A Lot Longer To Put Capital Letters At The Start Of Every Word When Typing...? :P

LOL! Yeah, could be...;)
(deleted comment)

Date: July 10th, 2009 04:03 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] sunlit-music.livejournal.com
Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.

Hee! So true. Maths and JK Rowling do not mix.

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This has an explaination inside it.

Good, because I have a feeling I'm about to demand one.


*laughs*

And oh gods, your bong comment...XD



Date: July 10th, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] bohemianspirit.livejournal.com
*blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking?

When you weren't looking???

As you walk through the life os Severus Snape you see the bong, the fails, the pain, and the love.

Anybody want to do a Snapefic crossover with Cheech and Chong?

...what a long, strange trip...

Editing for poor math? Well, that's more than we can say for JKR.

Heh. Nice thing for fanfic writers is that the timeline, to an extent, can be any damned thing you want it to be!

"Tp edit"?

I'd rather not edit my TP, thanks anyway. :-P First draft is final draft.

Date: August 14th, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] cheryl-bites.livejournal.com
Hello, I'm going back through your spork posts again.

For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter. Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.

I knew exactly what this story would be about before I read it and I was, of course, right. On balance I think the most disturbing things about it are (a) that the section breaks go 8D8D8D8D (because Dursely!torture fics are SO GREAT, KIDS! 8D) and (b) this line:

Assessing the burn on his hand, Harry knew it had to be a 3rd degree burn, due to the amount of blistering.

FAIL. AT LIFE.

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