![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.
-----
After HBP. Hermione goes back to Hogwarts alone and looks for the hocruxes.
Hocrux n. A magical artifact that contains a fragment of a witch's soul, enabling her to survive death so that she may continue to skank it up. See also Homione.
-----
Hermione Severus Snape Triplets. Snape death pregnant Hermione one great story.
Is William S. Burroughs doing cut-ups from fanfic now?
thought to be dead, Snape comes back and finds out his wife, has kids that are his, but they are being raised by another man.
"Finds out"? Er... he does know how that must have happened, right? You see, when a wizard and a witch love each other very much...
Uncle Draco what happens now?
"What happens is that you go to sleep, young man. No more stories!"
-----
(the entire summary)
you may read it and not believe it, but don't Mary sue me
Oh, if only one could bring suit for such a thing. I can only imagine what Judge Judy would have to say about this!
-----
(this story has been deleted. warning: terrible rendition of stereotypical French accent.)
Prologue inside. Hermione catches Ron in bed with another, and is invited to stay at shell cottage.
Hermione's jaw fell open at the sight of Ron in bed with a beautiful and familiar blonde woman.
"Ah, 'ermione, what a pleasant surprise zis ees! Bill and I wayre just theenking of haveeng you both for a nahce Sunday deenair , and I thought zat instead of sending an owl, I would just call to extend zee invitation to you!"
Hermione sputtered incoherently and shot Ron an incendiary look.
Ron merely shrugged. "Part Veela, remember?"
She returns to Hogwarts refreshed and ready to face the red head who broke her heart and anything else that steps in her path!
Hermione had to admit Ron's tendency to do this came in handy on the rare occasions she was actually threatened by something she couldn't handle, but she was rapidly running out of good china.
-----
It is rumored that love is infinite and immemorial.
"Immemorial"? I'm not sure that--
But at times fate is mercilessand needs a helping hand.
Okay, but don't you think--
The pain to keep the one honorable or make them dishonorable.
Um, which pain is this? I don't quite--
The love of one could save the that's need of it most.
Er, well, Aristotle wrote--
Being BETAED
Gosh, I hope so.
-----
(the entire summary)
It was only a dream
Dallas crossover.
-----
(the entire summary)
I have something important to tell the Potions Master
"For the last time, I do not require açai, V1AGRA, 'augmentation' for my 'male tool', a cheap elegant watch, 'muscle guys', or an entry in 'hundreds' of search engines for a website I don't have in the first place! Now bugger off before I use your top half for a garden gnome and your bottom half for a Sunday roast!"
-----
The sequel to An Awful Experience,
Aptly named, no doubt.
taking place 1 year after Selina and Kevin's wedding. Voldemort plots once agian to get Eric and Selina together,
Thomas M. Riddle & Co.
Matchmaking Services
Feeling stumped in the search for a spouse?
Let us help you solve the "riddle"!
but, this time, Kevin is involved and Eric is changed.
Since I have no idea who you're talking about, I'm just going to picture Kevin Sorbo and Eric Idle here.
-----
(nothing terribly wrong with this one besides blatant Americanisms and the confusing description of Surrey as a "little town" and a possible place of origin for Lily and Severus; I was just piqued by the author's need to trumpet her ship preference in the manner she did.)
One-Shot: So Lily stops being friends with Severus in Fifth Year, and then starts going out with James in Seventh Year. Severus was still in love with Lily, and emotions are impossible to dodge. NO LE/SS! I AM A LE/JP SUPPORTER ALWAYS!
"Always", huh? Miss Hendricks, take a letter:
Dear Melody H. Grace:
It has come to our attention that you have made an unauthorized use of the trademarked property of the LE/SS Corp., specifically Always™, granted for our sole use by J.K. Rowling (see chapter 33 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for full details) and specifically prohibited in any context concerning LE/JP.
We demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of all infringing works bearing this trademark; that you deliver to us all unused, undistributed copies of same or destroy such copies immediately; and that you desist from this or any other infringement of our rights in the future.
Sincerely, &c., &c.
-----
Hermione returns to Hogwarts as head girl halfway through term three, but so does someone else.
"Dumbledore said I was Head Girl!"
"No, I'm Head Girl!"
"No, I am! See? Look, right here on this parchment -- 'I hereby appoint Hermione Jean Granger as Head Girl for the remainder of summer term; signed, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore'!"
"Well mine says that he appointed Hermione Jane Granger to the same, and I was here first!"
Watching the altercation with growing concern, Harry leaned towards Ron and whispered, "Do you think they're going to fight?"
Ron's eyes glazed over for a moment. "God, I hope so."
-----
After HBP. Hermione goes back to Hogwarts alone and looks for the hocruxes.
Hocrux n. A magical artifact that contains a fragment of a witch's soul, enabling her to survive death so that she may continue to skank it up. See also Homione.
-----
Hermione Severus Snape Triplets. Snape death pregnant Hermione one great story.
Is William S. Burroughs doing cut-ups from fanfic now?
thought to be dead, Snape comes back and finds out his wife, has kids that are his, but they are being raised by another man.
"Finds out"? Er... he does know how that must have happened, right? You see, when a wizard and a witch love each other very much...
Uncle Draco what happens now?
"What happens is that you go to sleep, young man. No more stories!"
-----
(the entire summary)
you may read it and not believe it, but don't Mary sue me
Oh, if only one could bring suit for such a thing. I can only imagine what Judge Judy would have to say about this!
-----
(this story has been deleted. warning: terrible rendition of stereotypical French accent.)
Prologue inside. Hermione catches Ron in bed with another, and is invited to stay at shell cottage.
Hermione's jaw fell open at the sight of Ron in bed with a beautiful and familiar blonde woman.
"Ah, 'ermione, what a pleasant surprise zis ees! Bill and I wayre just theenking of haveeng you both for a nahce Sunday deenair , and I thought zat instead of sending an owl, I would just call to extend zee invitation to you!"
Hermione sputtered incoherently and shot Ron an incendiary look.
Ron merely shrugged. "Part Veela, remember?"
She returns to Hogwarts refreshed and ready to face the red head who broke her heart and anything else that steps in her path!
Hermione had to admit Ron's tendency to do this came in handy on the rare occasions she was actually threatened by something she couldn't handle, but she was rapidly running out of good china.
-----
It is rumored that love is infinite and immemorial.
"Immemorial"? I'm not sure that--
But at times fate is mercilessand needs a helping hand.
Okay, but don't you think--
The pain to keep the one honorable or make them dishonorable.
Um, which pain is this? I don't quite--
The love of one could save the that's need of it most.
Er, well, Aristotle wrote--
Being BETAED
Gosh, I hope so.
-----
(the entire summary)
It was only a dream
Dallas crossover.
-----
(the entire summary)
I have something important to tell the Potions Master
"For the last time, I do not require açai, V1AGRA, 'augmentation' for my 'male tool', a cheap elegant watch, 'muscle guys', or an entry in 'hundreds' of search engines for a website I don't have in the first place! Now bugger off before I use your top half for a garden gnome and your bottom half for a Sunday roast!"
-----
The sequel to An Awful Experience,
Aptly named, no doubt.
taking place 1 year after Selina and Kevin's wedding. Voldemort plots once agian to get Eric and Selina together,
Matchmaking Services
Feeling stumped in the search for a spouse?
Let us help you solve the "riddle"!
but, this time, Kevin is involved and Eric is changed.
Since I have no idea who you're talking about, I'm just going to picture Kevin Sorbo and Eric Idle here.
-----
(nothing terribly wrong with this one besides blatant Americanisms and the confusing description of Surrey as a "little town" and a possible place of origin for Lily and Severus; I was just piqued by the author's need to trumpet her ship preference in the manner she did.)
One-Shot: So Lily stops being friends with Severus in Fifth Year, and then starts going out with James in Seventh Year. Severus was still in love with Lily, and emotions are impossible to dodge. NO LE/SS! I AM A LE/JP SUPPORTER ALWAYS!
"Always", huh? Miss Hendricks, take a letter:
Dear Melody H. Grace:
It has come to our attention that you have made an unauthorized use of the trademarked property of the LE/SS Corp., specifically Always™, granted for our sole use by J.K. Rowling (see chapter 33 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for full details) and specifically prohibited in any context concerning LE/JP.
We demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of all infringing works bearing this trademark; that you deliver to us all unused, undistributed copies of same or destroy such copies immediately; and that you desist from this or any other infringement of our rights in the future.
Sincerely, &c., &c.
-----
Hermione returns to Hogwarts as head girl halfway through term three, but so does someone else.
"Dumbledore said I was Head Girl!"
"No, I'm Head Girl!"
"No, I am! See? Look, right here on this parchment -- 'I hereby appoint Hermione Jean Granger as Head Girl for the remainder of summer term; signed, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore'!"
"Well mine says that he appointed Hermione Jane Granger to the same, and I was here first!"
Watching the altercation with growing concern, Harry leaned towards Ron and whispered, "Do you think they're going to fight?"
Ron's eyes glazed over for a moment. "God, I hope so."