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I think people have been doing better than usual lately, because it's taken me a while for me to build up even this many, and this only a half batch. (A full batch would be 10; I settled on that as a kind of standard to stop me building up huge pools of way-too-many, and now... this?)
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary.
-----
Hermione is a cheaufur's daughter who is in love with the young son of the wealthy family they serve. A re-telling of the 1950's movie 'Sabrina' with your favorite Harry Potter charaters
cheaufur n. Someone who wears a plush suit in the design of a car-driving manservant.
-----
(The entire summary. This one's not bad, but I was too amused by this idea.)
Another fragment of Snape.
Awesome! I've almost got the whole set. Better start making that Sticking Solution to assemble them with...
-----
Harry and gang are completing their seventh year of Hogwarts when Hermione stumbles upon an animagus book.
Gee, that's a pretty boring Animagus form. I guess Hermione would like it, though.
As they each come into their animal Harry is shocked by his
Warning: bestiality (electric eel).
and what he descovers as he runs the dark corridors isn't what he expected...
"Ow, fuck! All right, who the hell put that wall there?!"
-----
Severus and Draco share a rather interesting moment of denile.
The barge bobbed gently in the current as it drifted down the river.
"So, Draco, what do you think of Egypt?"
Draco turned to his former professor, shading his eyes with his hand against the light reflecting off the surface of the water, yet still unable to stop squinting. He couldn't understand how Severus could bear to keep wearing black in this punishing heat. At least it was loose linen, though, and not the swathes upon swathes of wool he usually wrapped around his body back home in England.
"It's fascinating, Severus, but someone really ought to turn down the sun a few notches." He gingerly pressed his fingertips against the tender, pinkened skin of his forehead, nose, and cheekbones, then swiped his hands through his disgustingly sweat-dampened hair, and fished a square of cotton from a pocket to wipe them on. (White might not be the best colour for him to wear, but it was more comfortable here, and like hell he was going to sully his robe by wiping his hands on it like a toddler.)
"Do you know the ancient Egyptians used to mitigate the heat by shaving their heads?" Severus replied casually, and turned a papyrus page in his guidebook.
"..."
Severus shrugged and returned to the book, ignoring the glare Draco aimed at his long, dark, sweat-slicked ponytail. "It's true. If you find it that intolerable, you might give it some thought."
Draco bristled. "I think this holiday is just about over."
-----
Love is returned as Harry is about to jump at Hogwarts. An unknown love confuses him, but he soon learns something. The Potions Master loves him too.
Hermione's eyes were bright with enthusiasm as she brushed some imaginary dirt off her red and gold P.E. kit. "I'm so glad they've finally decided to instate regular physical education classes here at Hogwarts. It's just what I've always thought was needed."
Harry, on the other hand, looked around the Great Hall with apprehension, taking in the blocks sitting on the floor at each student's place. "I know, but did it have to be step aerobics? What was wrong with Quidditch?"
"Yeah, Hermione. From what you said, it sounds awful. Who needs all that jumping and stuff?" Ron folded his arms and pouted like a three-year-old.
Harry shuddered. "And I'm really not looking forward to seeing Hooch in Spandex."
"In what?" asked Ron. Then, suddenly, he blinked twice and his eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh no," he gasped, as though the blackest of evil dooms had come upon them. "Oh, NO!"
"What, Ron, what is it?" Harry followed Ron's pointing finger, and immediately wished he hadn't.
It wasn't Hooch; it wasn't even Sprout. It was Snape. Spandex and all.
Harry slumped to the floor. "Well, at least we know we must have done our best against Voldemort."
Hermione and Ron both looked down at him in confusion and said, "Huh?"
Mournful green eyes stared upwards. "We must have died, because this is obviously Hell."
Hermione looked up at Snape and cocked her head to one side. "Actually, it's not all that bad. At least it's still black. But what I don't quite understand is how he's still managing to billow."
Ron looked back up as well and pulled a face. "So that stuff's Spandex, then?"
Harry nodded dejectedly.
"Blimey," Ron breathed. "Maybe the Death Eaters are right: Muggles are evil."
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary.
-----
Hermione is a cheaufur's daughter who is in love with the young son of the wealthy family they serve. A re-telling of the 1950's movie 'Sabrina' with your favorite Harry Potter charaters
cheaufur n. Someone who wears a plush suit in the design of a car-driving manservant.
-----
(The entire summary. This one's not bad, but I was too amused by this idea.)
Another fragment of Snape.
Awesome! I've almost got the whole set. Better start making that Sticking Solution to assemble them with...
-----
Harry and gang are completing their seventh year of Hogwarts when Hermione stumbles upon an animagus book.
Gee, that's a pretty boring Animagus form. I guess Hermione would like it, though.
As they each come into their animal Harry is shocked by his
Warning: bestiality (electric eel).
and what he descovers as he runs the dark corridors isn't what he expected...
"Ow, fuck! All right, who the hell put that wall there?!"
-----
Severus and Draco share a rather interesting moment of denile.
The barge bobbed gently in the current as it drifted down the river.
"So, Draco, what do you think of Egypt?"
Draco turned to his former professor, shading his eyes with his hand against the light reflecting off the surface of the water, yet still unable to stop squinting. He couldn't understand how Severus could bear to keep wearing black in this punishing heat. At least it was loose linen, though, and not the swathes upon swathes of wool he usually wrapped around his body back home in England.
"It's fascinating, Severus, but someone really ought to turn down the sun a few notches." He gingerly pressed his fingertips against the tender, pinkened skin of his forehead, nose, and cheekbones, then swiped his hands through his disgustingly sweat-dampened hair, and fished a square of cotton from a pocket to wipe them on. (White might not be the best colour for him to wear, but it was more comfortable here, and like hell he was going to sully his robe by wiping his hands on it like a toddler.)
"Do you know the ancient Egyptians used to mitigate the heat by shaving their heads?" Severus replied casually, and turned a papyrus page in his guidebook.
"..."
Severus shrugged and returned to the book, ignoring the glare Draco aimed at his long, dark, sweat-slicked ponytail. "It's true. If you find it that intolerable, you might give it some thought."
Draco bristled. "I think this holiday is just about over."
-----
Love is returned as Harry is about to jump at Hogwarts. An unknown love confuses him, but he soon learns something. The Potions Master loves him too.
Hermione's eyes were bright with enthusiasm as she brushed some imaginary dirt off her red and gold P.E. kit. "I'm so glad they've finally decided to instate regular physical education classes here at Hogwarts. It's just what I've always thought was needed."
Harry, on the other hand, looked around the Great Hall with apprehension, taking in the blocks sitting on the floor at each student's place. "I know, but did it have to be step aerobics? What was wrong with Quidditch?"
"Yeah, Hermione. From what you said, it sounds awful. Who needs all that jumping and stuff?" Ron folded his arms and pouted like a three-year-old.
Harry shuddered. "And I'm really not looking forward to seeing Hooch in Spandex."
"In what?" asked Ron. Then, suddenly, he blinked twice and his eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh no," he gasped, as though the blackest of evil dooms had come upon them. "Oh, NO!"
"What, Ron, what is it?" Harry followed Ron's pointing finger, and immediately wished he hadn't.
It wasn't Hooch; it wasn't even Sprout. It was Snape. Spandex and all.
Harry slumped to the floor. "Well, at least we know we must have done our best against Voldemort."
Hermione and Ron both looked down at him in confusion and said, "Huh?"
Mournful green eyes stared upwards. "We must have died, because this is obviously Hell."
Hermione looked up at Snape and cocked her head to one side. "Actually, it's not all that bad. At least it's still black. But what I don't quite understand is how he's still managing to billow."
Ron looked back up as well and pulled a face. "So that stuff's Spandex, then?"
Harry nodded dejectedly.
"Blimey," Ron breathed. "Maybe the Death Eaters are right: Muggles are evil."