>VERBOSE

And Who But My Lady Greensleeves by Andante825
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/Characters: Trevor the Toad/Dolores Umbridge (wait! stop! come back!)
Rating: General Audiences
Words: 2233

Author's summary: Trevor, a Radiant Toad, has set his sights on the most alluring creature he's ever seen: Dolores Umbridge.
Author's warnings: Crack, no bestiality.

My comment: "Aww, that was rather sweet! I like Trevor's voice."

Quote:
In other words, he was a prince among toads. Why should he not set his sights high? Why should he not court, and win, the love of a human whose countenance he found more pleasing than that of any amphibian of his acquaintance?

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Collector by jaxon
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/Characters: Severus, Eileen, and Tobias Snape, Peter Pettigrew
Rating: Teen
Words: 2755

Author's summary: From OotP: [Snape's office was] lined with shelves bearing hundreds of glass jars in which floated slimy bits of animals and plants, suspended in variously coloured potions. To amass a collection that large, it seems his fascination probably started at a very young age...
Author's notes: As nearly always, from a Tumblr prompt: What sort of things did a pre Hogwarts Severus Snape do to amuse himself in Cokeworth?
Author's warnings: Dissection, animal abuse, animal death.

My comment: "Aha! I love the twist at the end- perhaps I should not call it a twist, but I honestly didn't think of it. Anyway, well done. (Although ew about the dissolving snails...)"

Quote:
The jar was only a third full, and it had taken him almost a year to collect this many. He turned it over and over in his hands, the intricate detailed spirals of the snail shells captivating him. With one last look of longing, he tightened the top and then returned the jar to its hiding place.

Two words: underwear Portkeys.

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1988

Why has no one written crack fic like this? Someone gets Transfigured into a couch because someone else talked in xir sleep, and then people put their butts arses on xir?

So have you been getting a load of the Harry Potter World Cup over on mtv.com? Here's a link to a nice, large, readable picture of the brackets. As you can see, one Severus Snape (no, just a Severus Snape - didn't you hear I come in six-packs?) is at the bottom of the top-left "Privet Drive" area. I'm pretty sure he's going to blow Vincent Crabbe out of the water, but I don't have enough of an idea about the whole audience of this thing to judge whether Flitwick is going to beat Trelawney or not. Harry and Severus are in the same part of the bracket so even if he makes it through a few rounds, he'll probably wind up against Harry, and I imagine the usual sort of people voting in this are going to vote for Harry, so that's sad. Voldemort is at the very bottom right (as Harry is top left); I wonder if they rigged the matches so as to give the best chance for Harry and Voldemort to come out in the final round. Hrm.

"Why do men have nipples?"
"So they can breathe through them during cunnilingus."

fenm, you're probably best poised to get maximum enjoyment from this one:


Snapeio by ~ligea on deviantART

(for the uninitiated, the text is adapted from host-segment dialogue from an episode of MST3K - or actually, since it ends with "every woman", more like from one of the blooper tapes.)

I haven't read the fic yet (as it's a long one, 22k or so, coming from marauderbigbang), but this picture from Short of a Dark Lord is tickling me in places that probably ought not to be tickled while I am at work:



Zorro!Severus sounds like just the greatest idea ever for a crack fic.

This is possibly the silliest piece of fanart I have ever seen.

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Not so much the image - although that is silly in itself - but the fact that it's painted on an actual shower curtain.

Which I won in the Snapecast meetup raffle, when they started giving out bits of the "Sitting Room at Spinner's End" decor (which also included grey underpants neither I nor enotsola, thankfully, won any of) as prizes.

It's sitting folded on my bed right now and I really have no idea what I'm going to do with it, yet I am strangely reluctant to give it up. It might be possible it bribe it from me somehow.

A few more pictures and con report at some future point, but I had to upload that particular one.

Speaking of fic recs, here's a bunch of stuff I've had simmering in my to-rec folder for a long time. Where my comments were fairly long I'm linking to them on the original post, rather than paste them here, but beware spoilers therein (I tend to pick out favorite lines and may talk about plot twists or the like). There's a good deal of Severus/Sirius in this batch, as well as some gen, dark, Severus/Harry, a little sort of Severus/Lily, and (unusually for me) two items with Severus/Minerva and Severus/Pomona respectively.

( 7 from various places, including hp_beholder, Snarry Games, hp_darkfest )

( 3 from daily_deviant )

( 4 from Severus Big Bang )

( 4 from Severus' Shorts )

Snarry 3 by ~Umino-aka-Morskaya on deviantART

So sweet. I love Severus's glasses and apparent age and the contented familiarity in him ruffling Harry's hair.



Connichi 2009 - poking Snape by ~HowellJenkinsSama on deviantART

There are some other photos of this interesting Snape cosplay as well. Normally I would say that nose prosthesis takes it over the top into slightly cruel caricature, but somehow it really brings this particular costume together.



The Long Road by ~TGP on deviantART

I loved the moody colour and how a frightened child grows into a sullen teenager, a disaffected adult, and then a total mystery with his back turned to the viewer. Very simply drawn but quite effective.



The Banes of Her Existence by *Vizen on deviantART

This made me LOL IRL. Just look at Severus and Minerva's poses and expressions, and Albus's drink with the umbrella! Poor woman, being headmistress and sharing an office with those two...

( ten fic recs behind the cut: gen, Severus/Lily, Harry/Draco, Severus/Harry, Sirius/Harry )

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

Bonus crack!ficlet in this one, but beware of puns. Please wear appropriate safety equipment to avoid lethal exposure.

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The afterlife of Severus Snape and other characters. This is a religious story, believe it or not, but Sev does go "down south," but I love him anyway: .

All right, "The Devil Went Down to Hogwarts"! I love this song!

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After years of believing that he was dead, Severus Snape is seen by none other than Hermione Granger.

Unfortunately, she happens to see him just donning his silvery, translucent dressing gown after a ghostly shower. Insert girly squeal here.

They easily become friends, and maybe even more.

"Easily"? Must be AU then.

How many chances can one man truly get?

Well, how much money did one man truly put up for casino chips?

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