arcanetrivia: a light purple swirl on a darker purple background (badfic (azcabam))
I am not really going to get started on this. For one thing, it is unlikely to be as endless a source of entertainment as summaries are (although I've so tagged this post anyway so I can find it with them). But I was browsing through some Yahoo groups today and came across quite a few ... interesting ... list descriptions. Keep in mind that like my summaries posts, whose source feed from FFN is narrowed considerably by requiring Severus Snape to be selected in one of the two character menus, the keyword here was "Snape", and I'm sure you could find many more both similar and worse if you tried the keyword "Harry Potter".

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Welcome to Potions! I am Severus Snape. I am here to bewitch your mind and ensnare your senses. I can teach you to brew fame, bottle glory and even put a stopper on death. So, are you ready for the challenge? Contact me at babylollipoppy@yahoo.com with questions or comments.

That's an undercover email address for Snape if I ever saw one.

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THIS SITE IS DEVOTED TO THE MOST OUTSTANDING ACTOR AND MAN – ALAN RICKMAN! WE LOVE THIS CELESTIAL MAN, HE IS GREAT, WHATEVER HE PERFORMS. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND SUCH PEOPLE, WHO LOVE HIM INDEED, BUT SOME OF THE FANS CAN SAY: "WE ADMIRE HIM TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY!" THIS GROUP IS FOR SUCH BRILLIANT LADIES! ALSO WE SHALL DISCUSS SEVERUS SNAPE, SUCH A MYSTERY MAN!

YES I AGREE IT MUST BE VERY HARD TO FIND SLAVERING FEMALE FANS OF ALAN RICKMAN SINCE HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ALL THAT MANY OF THOSE DOES HE. AND THANK YOU FOR YELLING. I ENJOY IT TOO.

(p.s. "celestial"? must be thinking of the Metatron.)

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Severus snape isn't all that bad. Underneath his black cloak we(I) see a man confused about his past and future. Someone who doesn't understande the meaning of life!

Life? Don't talk to him about life.

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Here we will talk about Divination, your wonderful Headmaster,and that darn Harry Potter.

You know, I might actually read an Animagus!Harry pastiche of That Darn Cat! Too bad that's not what they mean.

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The Mystery & Cool Guys On the Net! Not Just Studies But UNLIMITED FUN JUST CAN'T BEAT IT MAN!!!!!!!! WE ARE FREAKS...WE.....BLASTED OUR AUNTS...CAPTURED A TROLL...DROVE DEMENTORS....FLEW IN BROOMS...TALK TO SNAKES....AND HAD A BRAVEST FRND BY THE NAME 'SEVERUS SNAPE'

Um. Sure. Whatever you say. *rummages for tranquilizer gun*

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HI! this is my club for all the people who hate the jerks of harry potter! you can talk about all the cool people! you can talk about how much you hate the other people too! by the jerks i mean voldemort, malfoy, snape....etc. not the other way around just so you know!

O.o ... !

Well.

When you just don't know what to say, say it with macros:



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Become a character from the past and be in school with the Marauders. You can be Lilly, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Snape and everyone who has a mum or dad. ^_^

Umm... that'd be just about everyone, period, wouldn't it?

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NOTE: This will be a more realistic oriented RPG. That means that slash is allowed. Not necassary but allowed. AS well as minor swearing and a more harsh and realistic approach to the RPG...

Wait, wait. Slash is "more realistic"? Oh, fandom, don't ever change!

And gosh, I'm glad it's "not necassary". It would have been so hard for me if I had to read and write slash all the time or something.

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This is the behind the scenes place for the Snape Hater Debaters to coordinate our attack and bring those Poncy Snape Lovahs to their knees!!!

Aren't they likely to already be down there?

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Where you can R.P. as Harry Potter.

The whole group? Everyone? All Harry, all the time? *blinks*

...I am now having bizarre visions of a Hogwarts entirely populated by several hundred Harry Potters, everyone from miniature Harrys busy in the kitchens through students (of all four houses) and teachers up to Headmaster Harry Potter, surrounded by portraits of a thousand years of former Headmasters Harry Potter.

(One word -- pun not intended, but appropriate, nay, unavoidable: Rimmerworld.)

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Snape walks in leering at you. Upon cracking a smirk, he says to you, "Welcome to Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I will be your advisor in requirements and rules." His smirk drops from his face and his sultry deep vioce drops an octive as he says, "This is beginning style RPG. Actions shall be stated with complete sentences; such as 'Draco walked up to Hermione and shouted,...

I don't know why, but this carefully described "reading of the rules" is amusing the heck out of me. (The text-adventure feel of the second person probably has something to do with it.) Is this really the right sort of material for Severus's mannerisms and voice in full over-theatrical mode? It sounds like he's trying to pick up some extra cash by doing voiceovers for educational films.

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(the entire group description)

its very dark

you are likely to be eaten by a grue an acromantula

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Harry Potter and the Magical Mishaps of Love Angel Darling takes place during Harry and friends' seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What happens when a Love Angel who is trying to become a fullfleged Cupid comes to Hogwarts to earn her strips? Expecially when she is so pron to mistakes? A lot of havoc and bad timing considering He-who-must-not-be-named is waiting to make...

A "Love Angel" earning "strips" and being "pron" to mistakes? That could almost be good, if cracky. Alas, I fear these words were not used on purpose.

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(again, the entire group description)
full vew snape

To operate telescope, please insert three Knuts.

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Welcome to Hogwarts, but to the different one! Great luck-Dumbledor at last was sacked, and Severus Snape (not without Lucius Malfoy's help) became your Headmaster. Are you happy? As the matter of fact, it's not so important.

Actually, the interesting thing about this one (besides its curious use of English) is that it was created 8 years ago. Given that, this description is a little impressive.

Date: April 15th, 2009 04:54 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] fenm.livejournal.com
My brain is not so much with the smart-making right now, so I'll reply more substantively later, but; could you please put some of this behind an lj-cut? It's really long. Thanks. ^_^

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
OMG did I forget that? Sorry!

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:06 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] rattlesnakeroot.livejournal.com
These are absolutely priceless and made my day!!! Fandom is just endlessly fascinating to me, but I never thought to look at the Yahoo groups - thanks for the big laugh!

My favorite is "That Darn Harry Potter." *lol*

Date: April 15th, 2009 09:16 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
I think their heyday was somewhat before Harry Potter fandom really took off, mostly <= 2000-2001 (and especially before Yahoo swallowed both eGroups and Onelist). It's probably not merely coincidence that that overlaps with the rise of LiveJournal.

Date: April 15th, 2009 08:24 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] fera_festiva
fera_festiva: Mavis Cruet from Willo The Wisp cartoon with caption "splendid" (Default)
Umm... that'd be just about everyone, period, wouldn't it?

Bwahahahaha! OK, so I think I'll be either George Washington or Justin Timberlake, assuming they're not already taken.

Too much else to quote back, but OMG LOLing at grues, Rimmerworld, all the Alan Rickman... you crack me up. :D

Date: April 15th, 2009 09:12 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
I fear that Justin Timberlake might have a short life expectancy in a game that also features Severus Snape.

Date: April 15th, 2009 11:15 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] anglerfish07.livejournal.com
*laughs* So true...now I'm laughing over a mental image in my head of Snape duelling Justin Timberlake.

Given the nature of HP fandom, somebody has probably already written that fic.

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
And given the nature of Rule 34 (http://xkcd.com/305/), it's probably smut fic.

Date: April 15th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] tjwritter.livejournal.com
*pokes eyes to avoid*

Thanks, thanks alot for that!

Date: April 15th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
Well you just know there is already bandslash that involves Justin Timberlake, so this is really only one short step away from that.

*licks your icon* I have that one :)

Date: April 15th, 2009 10:51 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] lilyevans-snape.livejournal.com
This is the behind the scenes place for the Snape Hater Debaters to coordinate our attack and bring those Poncy Snape Lovahs to their knees!!!

Aren't they liable to already be down there?


;-) Indeed...

This whole thing made me laugh. These are way more amusing than a lot of the fanfic descriptions out there, IMHO. Perhaps it is because there seems to be a little more thought put into these (sad as that is given the quality).

More please :-).

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
More please :-).

This exhausted the entirety of the 478 results you get if you type "snape" into the search box at groups.yahoo.com, and they aren't generated anywhere near as fast as "contains:Severus Snape" posts at FFN (average of a couple dozen daily), so I doubt it. The most recent was created several months ago.

Date: April 15th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] lilyevans-snape.livejournal.com
Damn!

Date: April 15th, 2009 11:13 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] anglerfish07.livejournal.com
Welcome to Potions! I am Severus Snape. I am here to bewitch your mind and ensnare your senses. I can teach you to brew fame, bottle glory and even put a stopper on death. So, are you ready for the challenge? Contact me at babylollipoppy@yahoo.com with questions or comments.

That's an undercover email address for Snape if I ever saw one.


*rolls around laughing* That email address is a thing of beauty.

Ahahaha! I love how the owl macro looks like the long lost love-child of Harry and Hedwig. I especially love the Happy Jesus.

A "Love Angel" earning "strips" and being "pron" to mistakes?

LOL! 'Love Angel', 'pron' and/or 'strips' should not be in the same sentence.

full vew snape

*uses Austin Powers tone of voice* Yeah, baby.:P

To operate telescope, please insert three Knuts.

Bwahaha!

Welcome to Hogwarts, but to the different one! Great luck-Dumbledor at last was sacked, and Severus Snape (not without Lucius Malfoy's help) became your Headmaster. Are you happy? As the matter of fact, it's not so important.

Actually, the interesting thing about this one (besides its curious use of English) is that it was created 8 years ago. Given that, this description is a little impressive.


Impressive indeed. Talk about foreshadowing!

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
Ahahaha! I love how the owl macro looks like the long lost love-child of Harry and Hedwig.

I was pleased I found a Harry-specific one too.

I especially love the Happy Jesus.

That's "Buddy Christ", part of the trappings of the new, hipper Church George Carlin's character is trying to put forth in Dogma, so I guess we've come full circle back to the Metatron there.

Impressive indeed. Talk about foreshadowing!

It's possible, even likely, that they've changed the description since creating the group, so that bit of text might be post-DH, but somehow I doubt it.

Date: April 15th, 2009 12:07 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] mimimanderly.livejournal.com
I THINK THE ONE WITH ALL THE SHOUTING MIGHT BE BILLY MAYS! WHO KNEW HE WAS SUCH A FAN?

I love it when you post stuff like this. It makes me laugh on a dreary, rain-filled morning.

Date: April 15th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] elethian.livejournal.com
SO HE WANTS TO WANTS TO FIND WOMEN WHO LOVE ALAN RICKMAN? HUH WELL I GUESS EVERYONE HAS THEIR LITTLE KINK

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