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Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.
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(this isn't so bad, and I have to give props for the username "GrannyWeatherwax23", but still I'm amused by a slight misuse of word ending.)
Lily Evans should be ecstatic. James Potter's gotten slightly less insufferable
He's finally come in under her cap of 93% insufferability at the weekly review. (She knows some might think her policy is too strict, but a girl has to have her standards.)
and slightly more charming if either is even possible and she's just been made Head Girl. So why does she look so...melancholic? Severus Snape should know.
Because he's well versed in the theory of the humours.
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(the entire summary)
Marauder's map
Mr Moony presents his compliments to the author, and begs her to remember that this has already been written.
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Gold, enough gold for a lifetime, and life, enough life for all the gold. A mirror, a mirror which shows one's self, desire. And then there is gold, so much gold.
Scrooge McDuck looks into the Mirror of Erised.
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Harry Potter has a crush that he's pinning for
What's the story, morning glory?
What's the word, hummingbird?
Have you heard about Harry and Sev?
Did they really get pinned?
Did he kiss him and cry?
Did he pin the pin on?
Or was he too shy? ...
and a lot of detintions.
Harry went a little overboard with the peroxide.
Really what's a boy to do when he's in love with his own professor?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky?
(Bonus: In this fic Severus "snared" some words and is referred to as a "greasy grit".)
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Hermione Granger's dairy was filled with nights of pleasure … even though it was just dreams, to her it was just a real as if you were really there.
She has a secret fetish for cowherds and milkmaids.
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Changes don't just effect our lives, they can effect the entire world. 50 years ago, Severus Snape made a choice that put the wizarding world on a irreversable course, causing Voldemorts uprising. If he chose again and chose differently what would happen?
50 years ago? *checks calendar* Umm... so... he... decided to enter the fetus that was developing in Eileen Snape's womb? And if he'd chosen differently he'd... uh... have been wearing a different suit of flesh and been named Tiberius Thorpe?
(Once again, peeps: The Marauder era isn't all that long ago.)
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AU. Snape attempts to raise his new addopted son in a world rulled by Voldi.
Who always looks just smashing in her Lauren and Vuitton, I think she must have got a nose job, don't you? And those highlights can't be natural.
The problem: His son's biological father was none other than the failed chosen one, James Potter.
James had failed to pass the stringent admission requirements, you see, which included "be born in the month of July".
This story will eventually contain hpdm slash... in the very far future.
"We need more power, Potty!"
"I'm giving it all she's got! Ye canna change the laws of magic, Malfoy!"
-----
Snape always loved Lily, And Now She's gone. He would do anything, To Have Her back, Even Walk A Thousand Miles.
Or at least he would walk five hundred miles, and then he would walk five hundred more. Gotta pace yourself, you know.
-----
There's a new Muggle Studies professor who just happens to be a Muggle herself. Naturally, she clashes with the snarky Potions master, but the most passionate love affairs often arise from initial dislike. I'm not responsible for the underlining.
I swear, the story was like that when I checked it out! Somebody else must have done it! It couldn't have been me! The fact that I have control over the formatting buttons in the story upload area has nothing to do with it!
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The ever fighting Snape and Potter drive Professor Dumbledore to something he’s never done before: role playing.
"These certainly are curious dice, aren't they?"
Severus sighed for the seventeenth time that hour. "I assure you you'll get used to them, Headmaster. Think of the Platonic solids—"
Harry looked up suddenly from studying his character sheet. "Hey, Snape, what is this crap?"
"That's—ahem—Dungeon Master Snape to you, Potter," Severus replied, and gave a little chuckle. "What 'crap' are you referring to?"
"This note about my purse being missing when I wake up. Somebody nick it or something? Why wouldn't I have noticed?"
Severus smiled wickedly. "That's what you get if you sleep in strange inns without taking any protective measures as regards your belongings."
"I hate to interrupt, boys," Dumbledore said, clearly hating no such thing, "but Severus, I'll need you to explain this 'THAC0' to me again." His finger tapped against a chart in the book he was perusing. "Or perhaps we could summon Professor Vector?"
(Eighteenth time...)
-----
A pair of lips are driving Severus Snape crazy, will he do anything about it?
*shrug* If you can't beat 'em, join 'em: "Science fiction / double feature..."
-----
Snapes entire existance had been wrought with misery, so why had he deluded himself into believing he could ever bring happiness to someone else? "I want you, i need you but there ain't no way i'm ever going to love you" Poor Severus.
Poor Severus indeed; he seems to have turned into a country singer. Although the look did work for Johnny Cash...
-----
(Please note the title of the fic for myripoff inspiration here. Speculation on Harry's "double Polaroid" and "recharge socket" is left as an exercise for the reader.)
Harry got detenion and is now stuck showing Snape something he really doesn't know if he should...
"Well, Professor, I want to talk to you about my penis." Harry sighed and shook his head at the expression this statement brought to Snape's face. "I knew it, you've gone straight into that smirk! Aren't we both adults? Can't we discuss our reproductive system without adolescent sniggering?"
Snape composed himself. "Yes, of course we can, Potter."
"Thank you." He handed over the photograph. Snape glanced at it but hurriedly looked away, trading his smirk first for disbelief and then for a sharp glare at Harry.
"Well?" Harry prompted.
" 'Well' what?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"I'm not quite with you here, Potter. What do you wish me to say?"
"I want to know if that's normal."
"What, taking photographs of it and showing it to your teachers? No, it is not!"
-----
(this isn't so bad, and I have to give props for the username "GrannyWeatherwax23", but still I'm amused by a slight misuse of word ending.)
Lily Evans should be ecstatic. James Potter's gotten slightly less insufferable
He's finally come in under her cap of 93% insufferability at the weekly review. (She knows some might think her policy is too strict, but a girl has to have her standards.)
and slightly more charming if either is even possible and she's just been made Head Girl. So why does she look so...melancholic? Severus Snape should know.
Because he's well versed in the theory of the humours.
-----
(the entire summary)
Marauder's map
Mr Moony presents his compliments to the author, and begs her to remember that this has already been written.
-----
Gold, enough gold for a lifetime, and life, enough life for all the gold. A mirror, a mirror which shows one's self, desire. And then there is gold, so much gold.
Scrooge McDuck looks into the Mirror of Erised.
-----
Harry Potter has a crush that he's pinning for
What's the story, morning glory?
What's the word, hummingbird?
Have you heard about Harry and Sev?
Did they really get pinned?
Did he kiss him and cry?
Did he pin the pin on?
Or was he too shy? ...
and a lot of detintions.
Harry went a little overboard with the peroxide.
Really what's a boy to do when he's in love with his own professor?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky?
(Bonus: In this fic Severus "snared" some words and is referred to as a "greasy grit".)
-----
Hermione Granger's dairy was filled with nights of pleasure … even though it was just dreams, to her it was just a real as if you were really there.
She has a secret fetish for cowherds and milkmaids.
-----
Changes don't just effect our lives, they can effect the entire world. 50 years ago, Severus Snape made a choice that put the wizarding world on a irreversable course, causing Voldemorts uprising. If he chose again and chose differently what would happen?
50 years ago? *checks calendar* Umm... so... he... decided to enter the fetus that was developing in Eileen Snape's womb? And if he'd chosen differently he'd... uh... have been wearing a different suit of flesh and been named Tiberius Thorpe?
(Once again, peeps: The Marauder era isn't all that long ago.)
-----
AU. Snape attempts to raise his new addopted son in a world rulled by Voldi.
Who always looks just smashing in her Lauren and Vuitton, I think she must have got a nose job, don't you? And those highlights can't be natural.
The problem: His son's biological father was none other than the failed chosen one, James Potter.
James had failed to pass the stringent admission requirements, you see, which included "be born in the month of July".
This story will eventually contain hpdm slash... in the very far future.
"We need more power, Potty!"
"I'm giving it all she's got! Ye canna change the laws of magic, Malfoy!"
-----
Snape always loved Lily, And Now She's gone. He would do anything, To Have Her back, Even Walk A Thousand Miles.
Or at least he would walk five hundred miles, and then he would walk five hundred more. Gotta pace yourself, you know.
-----
There's a new Muggle Studies professor who just happens to be a Muggle herself. Naturally, she clashes with the snarky Potions master, but the most passionate love affairs often arise from initial dislike. I'm not responsible for the underlining.
I swear, the story was like that when I checked it out! Somebody else must have done it! It couldn't have been me! The fact that I have control over the formatting buttons in the story upload area has nothing to do with it!
-----
The ever fighting Snape and Potter drive Professor Dumbledore to something he’s never done before: role playing.
"These certainly are curious dice, aren't they?"
Severus sighed for the seventeenth time that hour. "I assure you you'll get used to them, Headmaster. Think of the Platonic solids—"
Harry looked up suddenly from studying his character sheet. "Hey, Snape, what is this crap?"
"That's—ahem—Dungeon Master Snape to you, Potter," Severus replied, and gave a little chuckle. "What 'crap' are you referring to?"
"This note about my purse being missing when I wake up. Somebody nick it or something? Why wouldn't I have noticed?"
Severus smiled wickedly. "That's what you get if you sleep in strange inns without taking any protective measures as regards your belongings."
"I hate to interrupt, boys," Dumbledore said, clearly hating no such thing, "but Severus, I'll need you to explain this 'THAC0' to me again." His finger tapped against a chart in the book he was perusing. "Or perhaps we could summon Professor Vector?"
(Eighteenth time...)
-----
A pair of lips are driving Severus Snape crazy, will he do anything about it?
*shrug* If you can't beat 'em, join 'em: "Science fiction / double feature..."
-----
Snapes entire existance had been wrought with misery, so why had he deluded himself into believing he could ever bring happiness to someone else? "I want you, i need you but there ain't no way i'm ever going to love you" Poor Severus.
Poor Severus indeed; he seems to have turned into a country singer. Although the look did work for Johnny Cash...
-----
(Please note the title of the fic for my
Harry got detenion and is now stuck showing Snape something he really doesn't know if he should...
"Well, Professor, I want to talk to you about my penis." Harry sighed and shook his head at the expression this statement brought to Snape's face. "I knew it, you've gone straight into that smirk! Aren't we both adults? Can't we discuss our reproductive system without adolescent sniggering?"
Snape composed himself. "Yes, of course we can, Potter."
"Thank you." He handed over the photograph. Snape glanced at it but hurriedly looked away, trading his smirk first for disbelief and then for a sharp glare at Harry.
"Well?" Harry prompted.
" 'Well' what?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"I'm not quite with you here, Potter. What do you wish me to say?"
"I want to know if that's normal."
"What, taking photographs of it and showing it to your teachers? No, it is not!"