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One shot Coming of age tale involving Weasley and Snape. Some magic, very foul language....
Some magic? I guess that's reasonable. It's only a Harry Potter fanfic, after all. Wouldn't want to put too much magic in.
...My best story yet.
Oh dear.
Let me say that again, in case it wasn't clear enough: Oh dear.
I sent this one to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
babb_chronicles, so I'll be doing this again, but I just can't resist sharing some of these absolutely, um, lovely lines:
“Barkeeeeep”, pleaded Ron, massaging his British temple.
Ron, they said "massage your temples in the bath", not "massage the temple in Bath"!
Hermoine refused to blowjob him today, and his feelings got hurt.
*sporfle*
The bartender was (arguably the meanest character in all of Harry Potter) Snape.
Kind of avant-garde, that, starting his name with a parenthesis and all.
Puberty had given him quite a beard.
Oh, quite! Oh, I really must say!
There was the Bridesmaid – Snail scales and lion’s hiss, poured over ice-cold Phoenix Cum. Also, the Fat Hagrid – melted butter, Animal Pheromone, and Dragon Hair.
I kind of like "lion's hiss" as an ingredient in anything. Has a kind of fairytale riddle quality to it.
“Well Weasely, you cunt. What’ll it be? I’ve so many fucking things I haven’t done yet at my job. What’ll you want to have to drink? I want to make your drink soon,” explained Snape.
Whoa! Who slipped Severus decaf this morning? Sheesh!
“I, uh, well” stuttered Ron, British.
Good to know he's keeping up with that. I was worried he'd lapsed into a Canadian, or worse, an American.
Sweating, Snape spun about, knocking some shit over with his robes.
Professional billower. Closed course. Do not attempt.
“I killed Dumbledore..” Snape muttered, spoiling the book again to himself.
XD
Snape placed a dirty, chipped glass on the counter. In it: the gills of a Sunny, aborted fetus tears, a rare crumpled two dollar bill, Snape’s pubes, milk, and heroin. “what the fuck?” wondered Ron.
I'm with you, Ron.
Ron’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and looked up at the ceiling, attempting to peer into heaven, for the guidance of Shiva.
Ron's a Hindu now?
Chuckling at his own pun, Ron cock-slapped Hermione, to death.
It's that extraneous comma that really makes this sentence the majestic thing that it is. He didn't just cock-slap her; he cock-slapped her all the way to death.
And don't you forget it.
Punk.
---
Harry Potter runs for school board under a strange platform.
Looks like Harry's been starting the post-election celebration a little early.
---
One-shot Hermione has a question for the Potions Professor but when she goes to look for him she is met with a very interesting surprise.
Turns out he's been doing naughty things with One-trick Harry and Ronnie One-note.
---
A scene of lust between none other than Snape and Hermione. This is a scene that will be placed into a story I am writing, at a later date. But enjoy for now. THIS IS AN EXPLICIT PIECE OF WORK - MA ONLY!
Wow, you're brave. I'd never show my explicit fanfic to my mother.
---
(this one could be a lot worse, although it includes some amusing misused words, like Hermione wearing a violet "brazier" and stuffing books into her "back".)
Hermione has a detention with Snape that explodes, and ends up becoming more than either of them bargained for, though not what they didn’t all-ready want.
Oooh, bad luck, Granger. Most of your incarnations get detentions with non-exploding Snapes. I imagine you certainly didn't bargain for becoming basically a red stain smeared across the walls of the dungeon.
Some magic? I guess that's reasonable. It's only a Harry Potter fanfic, after all. Wouldn't want to put too much magic in.
...My best story yet.
Oh dear.
Let me say that again, in case it wasn't clear enough: Oh dear.
I sent this one to
babb_chronicles, so I'll be doing this again, but I just can't resist sharing some of these absolutely, um, lovely lines: “Barkeeeeep”, pleaded Ron, massaging his British temple.
Ron, they said "massage your temples in the bath", not "massage the temple in Bath"!
Hermoine refused to blowjob him today, and his feelings got hurt.
*sporfle*
The bartender was (arguably the meanest character in all of Harry Potter) Snape.
Kind of avant-garde, that, starting his name with a parenthesis and all.
Puberty had given him quite a beard.
Oh, quite! Oh, I really must say!
There was the Bridesmaid – Snail scales and lion’s hiss, poured over ice-cold Phoenix Cum. Also, the Fat Hagrid – melted butter, Animal Pheromone, and Dragon Hair.
I kind of like "lion's hiss" as an ingredient in anything. Has a kind of fairytale riddle quality to it.
“Well Weasely, you cunt. What’ll it be? I’ve so many fucking things I haven’t done yet at my job. What’ll you want to have to drink? I want to make your drink soon,” explained Snape.
Whoa! Who slipped Severus decaf this morning? Sheesh!
“I, uh, well” stuttered Ron, British.
Good to know he's keeping up with that. I was worried he'd lapsed into a Canadian, or worse, an American.
Sweating, Snape spun about, knocking some shit over with his robes.
Professional billower. Closed course. Do not attempt.
“I killed Dumbledore..” Snape muttered, spoiling the book again to himself.
XD
Snape placed a dirty, chipped glass on the counter. In it: the gills of a Sunny, aborted fetus tears, a rare crumpled two dollar bill, Snape’s pubes, milk, and heroin. “what the fuck?” wondered Ron.
I'm with you, Ron.
Ron’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and looked up at the ceiling, attempting to peer into heaven, for the guidance of Shiva.
Ron's a Hindu now?
Chuckling at his own pun, Ron cock-slapped Hermione, to death.
It's that extraneous comma that really makes this sentence the majestic thing that it is. He didn't just cock-slap her; he cock-slapped her all the way to death.
And don't you forget it.
Punk.
---
Harry Potter runs for school board under a strange platform.
Looks like Harry's been starting the post-election celebration a little early.
---
One-shot Hermione has a question for the Potions Professor but when she goes to look for him she is met with a very interesting surprise.
Turns out he's been doing naughty things with One-trick Harry and Ronnie One-note.
---
A scene of lust between none other than Snape and Hermione. This is a scene that will be placed into a story I am writing, at a later date. But enjoy for now. THIS IS AN EXPLICIT PIECE OF WORK - MA ONLY!
Wow, you're brave. I'd never show my explicit fanfic to my mother.
---
(this one could be a lot worse, although it includes some amusing misused words, like Hermione wearing a violet "brazier" and stuffing books into her "back".)
Hermione has a detention with Snape that explodes, and ends up becoming more than either of them bargained for, though not what they didn’t all-ready want.
Oooh, bad luck, Granger. Most of your incarnations get detentions with non-exploding Snapes. I imagine you certainly didn't bargain for becoming basically a red stain smeared across the walls of the dungeon.
no subject
Date: June 28th, 2008 12:50 am (UTC)From:Fanfiction.net. I have RSS feeds set up to get notifications of new fic/chapters with Severus or Regulus (and Sirius? I can't remember). So I just set the trap and wait, and go check it for lobsters every so often.
So was that story supposed to be a satire? Or farce? Or anything other than serious?
I don't know. I don't think it's a troll, because the account has a bunch of other stories in it in various fandoms, but I didn't dare look at any of them.
"Hedwig, I have a feeling we're not at Nine-and-Three-Quarters any more..."
LOL. Strange platform! Didn't even think of that.