(no subject)

All he cared about was filling wizard’s bowels with his goodies.

Um.

Erotica: ur doin it rong.

Hell -- ordinary pr0n, even, ur doin it rong.

(no subject)

All he cared about was filling wizard’s bowels with his goodies.

Um.

Erotica: ur doin it rong.

Hell -- ordinary pr0n, even, ur doin it rong.

art recs

things i'm gonna do (G)
A seriously gorgeous drawing of Regulus with the locket. I mean like wow.

Snack (PG for silly kissyface)
*sporfle* Yeah. Snack: it's kinda like that.

Severus HBP (G)
Apparently mostly lighting practice, but I like the moody atmosphere and young Severus's (he looks maybe 12-13 to me) morose expression.

The First Wand (G)
G for Good God That's So Cute, that is. Little Lily and Severus getting their wands.

Snape, memories (G)
Just a simple sketch, but I love his melancholy expression, and the shape of his nose is oddly beautiful.

At the Top of the Hill (G)
Severus kneeling on that dark windy hilltop, offering Dumbledore "anything". All the fine lines give this the look of an engraving. His cloak and hair being whipped about in the wind are wonderful.

Boys Night In (NC-17 and very NWS)
Severus/Sirius/James: it tastes better when it's consensual (at least that seems to be the intent). acatnamedeaster has a gift for pleasured facial expressions, I think. I dare you to look at Severus's face and his hand grabbing the sheet and not drool. (Also: Sirius, lol get a hairstylist.)

art recs

things i'm gonna do (G)
A seriously gorgeous drawing of Regulus with the locket. I mean like wow.

Snack (PG for silly kissyface)
*sporfle* Yeah. Snack: it's kinda like that.

Severus HBP (G)
Apparently mostly lighting practice, but I like the moody atmosphere and young Severus's (he looks maybe 12-13 to me) morose expression.

The First Wand (G)
G for Good God That's So Cute, that is. Little Lily and Severus getting their wands.

Snape, memories (G)
Just a simple sketch, but I love his melancholy expression, and the shape of his nose is oddly beautiful.

At the Top of the Hill (G)
Severus kneeling on that dark windy hilltop, offering Dumbledore "anything". All the fine lines give this the look of an engraving. His cloak and hair being whipped about in the wind are wonderful.

Boys Night In (NC-17 and very NWS)
Severus/Sirius/James: it tastes better when it's consensual (at least that seems to be the intent). acatnamedeaster has a gift for pleasured facial expressions, I think. I dare you to look at Severus's face and his hand grabbing the sheet and not drool. (Also: Sirius, lol get a hairstylist.)

fic recs

Free for the Girls by lorena_snape. R, 100 words, angsty.
Just a drabble about sixth-year Severus, but it's so heartbreaking. I can't say any more about this without revealing too much (about me, or about the drabble? mmm, more the former I think...).

Professor Grunge by bohemianspirit. PG-13, ~4000 words, humour/satire/AU.
Upon graduating from Hogwarts, Severus pursues an employment opportunity in the northwestern United States, with somewhat unexpected results.
"Grunge" does in fact have something to do with grunge rock, but I'd rather not give it away. ;) bohemianspirit also tacked on an unusual "warning" that made me laugh: "Severus Snape gets to have a HAPPY LIFE!!!" *snicker* ya gotta warn for that now, do ya?

What Harry Loves by potion_lady. Severus/Harry, hard R, ~1500 words, romantic/sexual/sensual. (Very sensual, in fact.)
Harry loves everything about his lover.
Mmmmmm, taaasty descriptions, yesss precioussss.
...Yeah, I think that's plenty of reason to read this.

Escape from the Shrieking Shack by ellid. PG, 100 words, action (?).
I say "action" because it's done in fragmentary, rapid-fire phrases that take place over just a few seconds of time. A little morsel that made me go "woo-hoo!"

fic recs

Free for the Girls by lorena_snape. R, 100 words, angsty.
Just a drabble about sixth-year Severus, but it's so heartbreaking. I can't say any more about this without revealing too much (about me, or about the drabble? mmm, more the former I think...).

Professor Grunge by bohemianspirit. PG-13, ~4000 words, humour/satire/AU.
Upon graduating from Hogwarts, Severus pursues an employment opportunity in the northwestern United States, with somewhat unexpected results.
"Grunge" does in fact have something to do with grunge rock, but I'd rather not give it away. ;) bohemianspirit also tacked on an unusual "warning" that made me laugh: "Severus Snape gets to have a HAPPY LIFE!!!" *snicker* ya gotta warn for that now, do ya?

What Harry Loves by potion_lady. Severus/Harry, hard R, ~1500 words, romantic/sexual/sensual. (Very sensual, in fact.)
Harry loves everything about his lover.
Mmmmmm, taaasty descriptions, yesss precioussss.
...Yeah, I think that's plenty of reason to read this.

Escape from the Shrieking Shack by ellid. PG, 100 words, action (?).
I say "action" because it's done in fragmentary, rapid-fire phrases that take place over just a few seconds of time. A little morsel that made me go "woo-hoo!"

(no subject)

Note: Not all of these are attached to bad fics. Most frequently the stories are simply mediocre. Sometimes I actually run across pretty decent ones that just have unfortunate summaries.

-----

This story is intended to follow the canonical events of the Harry Potter series, but takes creative license as it explores the relationship between Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape. It may seem OOC to those who don't agree with the author's portrayal.

Soo... if it's out of character to those who don't agree with JKR... does that mean it's in character? *scratches head*

-----

Athena and her friends visit an unusual shop where the owner takes them back to before Fudge caused her parents to go through some horrible acts.

Tsk. A chocolate high can be a terrible thing. (Also known in the United States as "the Twinkie defense".)

Includes a lot of Fudge bashing.

*snickers* *is twelve*

-----

Just days after Severus Snape wakes in the hospital, he gets a little unexpected Southern Comfort. Katie is hardly the usual Mary Sue found in fan fiction. Please read my bit of fluff and see for yourself. If you do not like Mary Sue, DO NOT READ THIS

"Medicine", aha, I see. Wink, wink. But somehow I never saw Severus as the type for sweet, fruity drinks...

-----

Severus left Harry a long time ago. Harry has taken to writing poems to the address that Severus is supposedly staying at even though they are and sent back unopened. This is poem number 5067.

After 5066 owls, those Muggles are getting pretty goddamn annoyed, let me tell you -- but nowhere near as annoyed as they'd be if they'd actually read Harry's poetry.

-----

Laila had a perfect life with her mom in Utah. She was an amazing dancer and when she's told she has to live with her dad and go to Hogwarts will it be a diaster or turning point in her life?

I doubt it's going to be a "diaster". I certainly wouldn't give this two stars.

-----

Was Snape good? Or was he evil? Lexyismyhero and a friend debate on the subject. Please read, and review.

Um, sweetie, that's a very nice "Trust Snape" sticker you have there, but you might want to turn to the next page in the script now. You know, the one with "Deathly Hallows" at the top. No, no, don't worry; we'll all wait while you read it.

-----

A letter from a normally cold man to the woman he loves.

Dear Hermione,

Northern Canada, Iceland, and Siberia have all been very well, but I think it's time for something tropical. Meet me in Thailand next Thursday.

--Severus

Rated M just in case for possible additions

Bets taken here: home-improvement porn or arithmetic porn?

-----

Harry becomes ill and faints in Snape's classroom. What will happen when Madame Pomfrey leaves for the weekend?

Did you get chocolate or vanilla pudding with your lunch? Some of Shakespeare's plays are tragedies. There is a mouse underneath the couch. Is it hot outside? My aunt Laura lives in France.

-----

Harry is sent to an Alternate Universe where noone knows who he is. After an attack on Hogsmeade the Ministry and Order think he's a dangerous, new Death Eater - Voldemort knows better and plans to find out who this scrawny kid is! What's a boy to do?

"Ah, Harry, you've arrived!"

Harry whirled about and levelled his wand at the source of the voice. "Who are you and why do you know my name?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Doctor Noonien Soong; how do you do?"

"Noo-- Noone-- wha?"

"I'd prefer Dr. Soong, but then -- heh, heh -- I suppose you're not the type to be calmed by an excess of authority. Now am I right or am I right on that one?"

(no subject)

Note: Not all of these are attached to bad fics. Most frequently the stories are simply mediocre. Sometimes I actually run across pretty decent ones that just have unfortunate summaries.

-----

This story is intended to follow the canonical events of the Harry Potter series, but takes creative license as it explores the relationship between Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape. It may seem OOC to those who don't agree with the author's portrayal.

Soo... if it's out of character to those who don't agree with JKR... does that mean it's in character? *scratches head*

-----

Athena and her friends visit an unusual shop where the owner takes them back to before Fudge caused her parents to go through some horrible acts.

Tsk. A chocolate high can be a terrible thing. (Also known in the United States as "the Twinkie defense".)

Includes a lot of Fudge bashing.

*snickers* *is twelve*

-----

Just days after Severus Snape wakes in the hospital, he gets a little unexpected Southern Comfort. Katie is hardly the usual Mary Sue found in fan fiction. Please read my bit of fluff and see for yourself. If you do not like Mary Sue, DO NOT READ THIS

"Medicine", aha, I see. Wink, wink. But somehow I never saw Severus as the type for sweet, fruity drinks...

-----

Severus left Harry a long time ago. Harry has taken to writing poems to the address that Severus is supposedly staying at even though they are and sent back unopened. This is poem number 5067.

After 5066 owls, those Muggles are getting pretty goddamn annoyed, let me tell you -- but nowhere near as annoyed as they'd be if they'd actually read Harry's poetry.

-----

Laila had a perfect life with her mom in Utah. She was an amazing dancer and when she's told she has to live with her dad and go to Hogwarts will it be a diaster or turning point in her life?

I doubt it's going to be a "diaster". I certainly wouldn't give this two stars.

-----

Was Snape good? Or was he evil? Lexyismyhero and a friend debate on the subject. Please read, and review.

Um, sweetie, that's a very nice "Trust Snape" sticker you have there, but you might want to turn to the next page in the script now. You know, the one with "Deathly Hallows" at the top. No, no, don't worry; we'll all wait while you read it.

-----

A letter from a normally cold man to the woman he loves.

Dear Hermione,

Northern Canada, Iceland, and Siberia have all been very well, but I think it's time for something tropical. Meet me in Thailand next Thursday.

--Severus

Rated M just in case for possible additions

Bets taken here: home-improvement porn or arithmetic porn?

-----

Harry becomes ill and faints in Snape's classroom. What will happen when Madame Pomfrey leaves for the weekend?

Did you get chocolate or vanilla pudding with your lunch? Some of Shakespeare's plays are tragedies. There is a mouse underneath the couch. Is it hot outside? My aunt Laura lives in France.

-----

Harry is sent to an Alternate Universe where noone knows who he is. After an attack on Hogsmeade the Ministry and Order think he's a dangerous, new Death Eater - Voldemort knows better and plans to find out who this scrawny kid is! What's a boy to do?

"Ah, Harry, you've arrived!"

Harry whirled about and levelled his wand at the source of the voice. "Who are you and why do you know my name?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Doctor Noonien Soong; how do you do?"

"Noo-- Noone-- wha?"

"I'd prefer Dr. Soong, but then -- heh, heh -- I suppose you're not the type to be calmed by an excess of authority. Now am I right or am I right on that one?"