(no subject)

[arcanetrivia]

I had to write an 8-line epitaph for my English class… I did one on Severus! ... Comment???


Very well.

It's terrible. It doesn't really say anything. It has neither rhyme nor meter. You misspelled Hufflepuff. And you ripped off StuartZX's "Bohemian Polka" PPP fanvid for your punchline. I hope your teacher gives you zero marks and takes points from your house.

Also, you misspelled "snake" as "snack", which makes hilarious nonsense of your "snake-faced bastard" epithet for Voldemort. Let's see... maybe a Hostess Sno-ball? (Other interpretations of "snack-faced bastard" are left as an exercise for the soon-to-be-horrified reader.)

As an antidote to your craziness, my own similarly-titled ficlet, Epitaph, with particular emphasis on recognizing when you should just put the keyboard down and back away slowly.

---

I didn't actually leave this review, but I am sure thinking it as hard as I can. *facepalm*

Comments

[hobgoblinn.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see the original 8 lines. But good on you for not crushing the little child. We were all young and stupid once. Some of us still...

On a serious note, I have to restrain my criticism sometimes with wee hob, who is 12 and has some educational delays. It's hard not to go right into fixing what he writes, but what he really needs now is encouragement and questions that spark further movement in the right direction, towards having an actual plot or theme or something.

When I am old and he is a famous novelist, I can say it's because I let him write tales about giant spiders when he was 12.....

[elethian.livejournal.com]

"I'd love to see the original 8 lines. But good on you for not crushing the little child."

Nah, I dunno, I feel I'm being snarky enough as it is without providing the original, or a link to it. Not that the search function has ever worked on FFN, for me anyway, but you know, I don't want to encourage people to actually snipe at her in person (although I would hope people I have on my flist are more mature than that?).

[venturous1.livejournal.com]

"snack-faced bastard"

roflmao

**hysterical tears**

bwa ha ha

yours truly,
easily amused.

still, it's FUNNY!

fritos? pork rinds? nachos!?!? agh!

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Perhaps Voldemort is a couch potato.

[venturous1.livejournal.com]

ooo, the evil Mr. Potato Head!

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

And he's lost all the noses! So much is explained!

[helen99.livejournal.com]

This review is no doubt much more enjoyable reading than the referenced fic. In fact, it sounds like a good start of a story in which Severus is a literary critic, grading English papers, or both...

("Is there any reason you didn't teach grammar instead of potions?")

[elethian.livejournal.com]

Oh my. *giggles* You just know he would always turn out to be damnably, infuriatingly correct. Makes my Virgo senses go all tingly. ;)

I read a line in a fic once where Sirius accused Severus of thinking up the most complicated possible syntaxes for whatever it was he wanted to say before actually speaking. Severus shot back that he'd be impressed to hear a word like "syntax" from Sirius, if he didn't know that it constituted his mental exercise for the year. ;) I, of course, thought "heeyyyyy now, I do just what he's accusing Severus of, sometimes..."

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

"Snack-faced bastard" is amazing. Moon Pie Man! Ritz Cracker Face! OMG, he could do endorsements! You know He Who Must Not Be Named probably did an American Express advertisement, now it's Voldemort Snack Cakes! With really evil filling!

[elethian.livejournal.com]

My brain is, somehow, telling me that there actually is an equivalent to Moon Pie Man.